-Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines. -If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled? -Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
-A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.” -What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale. -A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
-What is a guitar player's favorite Italian food? Strum-boli. -How does cereal pay its bills? With Chex.
-Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. -I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something. -People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece.
I hope these are not repeats. Don't want to put subject anyone through this a second time. I got some ketchup in my eyes and now I have Heinzsight. I saw a lizard in the jungle up on his hind legs and telling jokes to a bunch of natives. I said to a tribesman "that lizard is really funny, what kind of lizard is he"? He replied "he is not a lizard. He is a standup Chameleon! I have started investing in stocks! You know, chicken, beef and vegetable. I hope to become a bouillionaire!
I got badly injured in a game of peek-a-boo this weekend, the ended up having to take me to the ICU...
Does the ocean roar? No, it just waves. If your American in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom? European Did you hear about the absent minded conductor? He kept losing his train of thought. BO
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker. What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.
Why are they called "apartments" when they're altogether? If a cannibal ate a clown, would it taste funny?
