What's up today (bullchiting) thread.

Thats just one thing i dont like to do, is to reach out to a stranger and spill the beans.
I have been known to bottle everything up, been that way most of my life.
Hard headed.


I had a rough, very gray child hood.
Getting tossed around between divorced parents.
Acting out trying to obtain attention.
Having trouble maintaining friends because of ADHD and being wound up and not like the others constantly.

Anymore, i have a mother who has never had time for me. She has recently packed her bags and has moved 2.5 hours away.
How did i learn about her moving? Facebook...
She changed her phone number, guess how i learned about that as well, yep you got it. Facebook.
I have a father who i love, he is my best friend, ive learned just about everything i know from him.
He recently has also moved away. His was more planned though, he actually moved before my Mom did.
I talk to my Dad, we have a great relationship but he is no longer 20-30 minutes away, i can no longer just jump
in my truck and go and see him. He is no longer in a neighboring small town...

I feel i have lost everything i have..
I love my dogs, i love my wife, we just got married on the 1st of this month.
We have been together for 9 years.
There is always a void that cannot be filled. Sometimes it is unexplained.
Ive attempted to take my life on multiple occasions.
Last occasion was just about a year ago, my Dad had moved and hadnt taken all of his stuff yet, i found his gun.

Im still here.

I have a busy working life that keeps me busy but i have found recently that it is keeping me from living just that, a life.
I have a hard time telling someone no when it comes to doing work. So i am constantly working.
I started working for a local family owned buisness that is in the towing industry.
The kid, ive known since i was about 7, the Dad is the same..

What i have found out is that i have become too attached to them and i have caused my self to expect
that same friendship, respect and loyalty in return. About every 3 or 4 months now it all goes down the drain..
I question my self, what am i doing and why am i here.

I dont use drugs, i dont drink, i cant. I am in possession of a commercial vehicle 24-7.
I dont do those types of things regularly anyways though.

I have a very short tempter, i have high anxiety, it is all a really bad mixture of crap.
My eyes are heavy and full as i type this.
I really dont have much of a family anymore.
After my Grandfather passed away a few years ago, everything has fallen apart.
People hate eachother, there are no more family gatherings 3-4 times a year.
I havent seen my cousins in years, I have 1 grandparent left, she lives in Arizona.
She literally just cut off all communication with me one day. No more phone calls, no more
cards in the mail for any type of holiday or occurrence. Same thing i get from her daughter, my Mom.

My Mom came to my wedding, i regretted inviting her... She comes to my wedding, i havent seen or talked to her
in about 9 months prior to my wedding. During our Son/Mother dance she proceeds to tell me she has cancer.
How nice.



Well, i guess i apologize for putting all of this out there.
I have no one to talk with, My friends are the people i work with, i have 2 or 3 friends out side of that.


.... I dont know where to go to anymore, i dont know who to turn to anymore.

 

Know this. Things will work out. You will be okay.

 

LinkedXJ Sorry you are dealing with this. Here's my thoughts.

Step 1. Quit using Facebook. No need to get angry about things you can't change. Mom doesn't sound like she's worth worrying too much about to me. I know that sounds bad, but it's true.

Step 2. Talk to a professional in the mental health field. Imho, you need it and I say that because you yourself said you have nobody to talk to.

Step 3. You have a new wife. You have a family. Don't think you dont. Work on making things better in the family. Make positive change happen. Dad is only a car trip away. Make more frequent trips. Tell him how you feel.
I'm sure he'd like to know you're struggling and I'm sure he'd be happy to listen.

Step 4. Remove all weapons from the home. Now. Give them away if you can't sell them. Nuff said about that.

Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people. Not work people. You need friends outside of work. You been racing lately? Does that help clear the head? If so.....get to the damm track!

And finally, don't wait. You need to speak with somebody. Start with dad if you don't wanna start with a pro.

We're here for ya. Feel free to vent whenever needed. Bottling $hit up will cause you more problems. This I know from experience.

 

You might consider some professional help.
Everyone has that baggage they need to unload.
I did. Changed my life.

I'll see you on the road.

 

I'm happy with the retreads from Treadwright tires. But then, my truck is not a daily driver either.

Ended up right around $530 for 10 ply 17" installed....

 

Starting the long trip home. Should be home for a few weeks. Should.

 

How long for traveling??? And don't text and drive!

 

Getting cut off from your family is really hard. They are not there to support you. You've tried finding support from your employers, but that's a commercial relationship and comes up short. So you are in need of a new support system to get you through your bad times. First, open up to your wife, if you haven't already, and let her in on your state of mind. She needs to be prepared, so she can cut you some slack. Second, join a group. A men's group, or an anger management group, or a suicide prevention group, or a church group, anywhere there are people you can talk to and relate to. You need to work on yourself, just like you work on your car. Then you can get to a place where you can be a good parent, and not let all that toxic stuff spill over into the next generation. Just my 2¢.

 

good advice Midwinter and bocefus78 ...

LinkedXJ if you just need to talk in daytime hours PM me for telephone number..
the down n dirty.. version... got 7 siblings 6 adopted.. their life stories are just ugly..

5 of us are (me included) are ADHD add a few bipolar a schizophrenic and a sister that's got a wicked detachment disorder and it makes family reunions a good time! just telling ya people care and a few of us (more than you could guess) have been there and got a couple of Tee shirts

 

Should get home at 1 dark thirty. Two flights and a two hour drive.

 

Not to worry. Weather moved in and cancelled my flight. Stuck here overnight.

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

It happens. Not much anyone can do about a wicked bad thunderstorm.

 

I'm sure you have some real Italian food in the big city, no? I mean, all the bread sticks you can eat is ok, but their food is nothing, really nothing, compared to real Italian food. They don't even do any cooking at Olive garden. Seriously, it's reheating of refrigerated/ frozen pre portioned meals.

 

If you're ever in Rawlins, hit up Michael's Big City Bar and grill. They had awesome food. They do more Mexican food, rather than Italian, but it was awesome.

 

How did you end up going there?

 

Sounds like you are dealing with a whole lot of stuff from both the past and the present. Bocefus78 and Midwinter have good advice that I cannot improve upon. Take Canadian Border up on his offer too!

We will always be here to "listen" if you just need to get stuff off your chest. And sometimes just getting it written down can help too.