Thought for the day...

Women are just like elephants to me; I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want one. Elbert Hubbard

When a woman is speaking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.

Children have more need of models than critics.

Why is lace so expensive? It is mostly holes!

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

What passes for woman’s intuition is often nothing more than man’s transparency.

 

If you keep your eyes so fixed on Heaven that you never look at the Earth you will stumble into Hell.

A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.

You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

When the source is deep, the stream is long. Zen saying

How could the drips of water know themselves to be a river? Yet, the river flows on.

Half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying “yes” too quickly and not saying “no” soon enough.

Religion is a way of walking, not a way of talking.

 

A nurse who knows—During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

Absolutely, said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.



No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere ...

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Families are like fudge.... mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” The mother answered, “Because white is the color of happiness, it represents purity, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child though about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Sometimes I think that if God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d either given me longer arms or put my toes on my knees.

It is difficult to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Let’s recycle the government.

Things do not change as much as we do. Thoreau

 

Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? One value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.

What you learn after you know it all is what counts in the long haul.

I hear a racket in the yard, there seems to be a fight.
I look across the frosted sill and see a horrid sight.
A squirrel and a blue jay, both greedy to the core,
Are sparring for the corn cob and I go for the door.
I shake my fist and tell them, you’d better share that cache
And they both hit the cedar boughs like a fuzzy bluish flash

Not they’re both in chorus, enjoined in cause as one,
Agreeing for the moment that I’m the son of a gun
They perch there close together and squawk and chatter and scold.
It’s amazing how enemies gather as conflicts begin to unfold.
We’ve something to learn from Nature, we’re awash in its humbling ways.
And like the squirrel and blue jay, our foes are but acts in plays.

 

Punish the first offender (maybe even the first offense of a rule) severely, for in him the greatest hope of reform lies.

Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?

No two people are alike, and both are glad for it.

The most difficult mountain to cross is the threshold. Danish proverb

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

When I had my last physical I asked the doctor, “How do I stand?” He said, “That’s what puzzles me too.”

 

Always imitate the behavior of winners when you lose. Or at least sometimes.

Look over your shoulder now and then to be sure someone’s following you.

But officer. I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station!

On 4/22/1932, a bolt of lightning hit a flock of wild geese in Elgin, Manitoba, killing all 52 of the birds. It was a shocking event, but provided dinner for many Elgin families.

Man in pet store: “I want that bird. Please send me the bill.”
Clerk: “Sorry, sir. You have to take the whole bird.”

Nature is the art of God.

 

You know you’re old when you’ve lost all your marvels.

Laziness has many disguises. Soon the “winter doldrums” will become “spring fever.”

You aren’t a loser until you quit trying.

One poor bride thought she had it made when the groom had told her that he’d love her until the cows came home. When he took her to her new home, she found out he was a dairy farmer.

Pride is tasteless, colorless and sizeless. Yet it is the hardest thing to swallow.

Work keeps from 3 evils: boredom, vice and need.

Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!

 

Stock Market results:

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationery.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Light switches were off.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Weights were up in heavy trading. Knives were up sharply.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Sun peaked at midday.
The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Balloon prices were inflated.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit, and Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.


An article in National Geographic several years ago provided a penetrating picture. After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno’s damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother’s wings. The loving mother had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived and the heat had singed her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.

He shall cover thee with his feathers and under his wings shalt thou trust. Psalms 91:4