Thought for the day...

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

 

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

 

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.

 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

 

I had it all...........................
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all.
I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head,
I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? ,Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled.

 

Perhaps a bit early but some may want to pass this on in December, which is less than 6 weeks away.


Christmas is the one Holiday the whole world can celebrate
All nations, religions, kindreds and creed; each in his own chosen way
“Tis Christmas” everybody will say though the language may not be the same
But oh how wonderful it would be if the world could know his name

To some he’s just a Santa Claus with gifts for foe and friend
To some He is is the Savior who came to save us from our sins
To some He’s still rejected. Others don’t believe, they say
But yet they much acknowledge Christ when they mention Christmas Day

Oh child of God be thankful, being redeemed from sin and shame
Knowing that Christ is God in the Flesh and Jesus is his name
Knowing that he ascended, stepping on a cloud one day
But said, “I’m coming back again to catch my Bride away

Tis one thing certain. He’s coming
So celebrate however you may
But keep in mind the Rapture
Just might be on Christmas Day

 

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.