Thought for the day...

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

 

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

 

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Do you like math? Try this one: 259 x your age x 39 = ?

A gun is much like a parachute. If you need one but don’t have one, most likely you’ll never need one again.

One tree a day will keep the oil man away.

 

"When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe." Thomas Jefferson

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." Thomas Jefferson

"It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world." Thomas Jefferson

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." Thomas Jefferson

 

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government." Thomas Jefferson

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." Thomas Jefferson

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." Thomas Jefferson

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and
tyrants." Thomas Jefferson

"To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: "I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.

If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by
inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."

 

The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God. C.S. Lewis


During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai Stevenson: "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" Stevenson called back, "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!"

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

 

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.


How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

 

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


This dyslexic man walks into a bra.


I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.


What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.


Broken pencils are pointless.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.