Thought for the day...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (Talk about wild!)

 

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.


The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.


Butterflies taste with their feet.


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(I do wonder about those who are ambidextrous.)

 

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.


A cat's urine glows under a black light.



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.


Starfish have no brains.



Polar bears are left-handed.



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

 

I'm back home again.

Graduation

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt. Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it. The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families. The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened. All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly sneezed! The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, 'GOD BLESS YOU,' and then he walked off the stage.

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's approval.

 

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S.Department of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the animals". Their stated reason for the policy is because the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.


This ends today's lesson.

 

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.' ~ Jack Handy


'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ' ~Frank Sinatra

'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' Henny Youngman


'Wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' ~ Benjamin Franklin

 

Imagine reading a book and not being able to turn back the pages. That, is life.

'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry

Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.


A relationship is not a test so why cheat?

 

"Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word, before you let it fall," said Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

May the best of this year be the worst of the next.