Thought for the day...

Half of what is written is not read.

Half of what is read is not understood.

Half of what is understood is not believed.

The remaining half is so insignificant that it doesn’t matter anyway.

When you associate with winners, your chances of winning go up.

You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

It’s easier to succeed because failure exacts a high price in terms of time when you have to do a job over and money spent to fail must be spent again to succeed.

 

The deterioration of our language.

One of the problems we face today is the growing degrading of our language. On the one hand, vulgarized and on the other corrupted with lack of punctuation and very poor spelling. Am I the only one who gets tired of seeing someone writing using the wrong words even? For example, I read about a fellow who was going downhill so fast on his bike that he had to break it. But then he wrote that after the breaking slowed the bike… Well, mine would probably slow too if it got broke, but I usually would use the brake instead.

Some people have also become so lazy that they can’t even press the shift key to capitalize the first word of a sentence, the word I, or even show enough respect to capitalize a person’s name. And, of course, it is amazing how many people just can’t seem to spell decently. Sure, one can make out what they were attempting to say, but shouldn’t the writer do it correctly in order to be sure his words are taken correctly, or even believed? And what about those people who ax a person a question. I usually ask them questions. The ax is used for something totally different around our place.

This is dangerous! A people who loses the power over their own language has lost the power over the mind. Without this power there is neither greatness nor accuracy of thought.

 

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

There is no such thing as a risk-free society. Even a virtuous life has its risks, as illustrated by a proverb: The couple who goes to bed early to save candles ends up with twins.

Experience teaches that most time is wasted, not in hours, but in minutes. A bucket with a small hole in the bottom gets just as empty as a bucket that is deliberately kicked over.

 

A teakettle with a lid that does not fit tightly can make a racket. When steam begins to rise, that lid will shake and rattle and make a terrible noise. Of course, the lid would be doing no good at all, just making noise. In fact, it would be allowing the steam to escape, but by making a racket it might impress someone as being very busy and quite important. Sort of like some people I know…

Golf tournaments are par wars.

A pinch hitter is a change for the batter.

Polar bathers are frigid dares.

Tennis umpires are net prophets.

A high jump is a soar feat.

 

Vaccination: an ouch of prevention.


Amnesia: blank account.


Castor Oil: ugh nog.


Massage: back magic


Electrocardiogram: ticker tape.

 

Would the boy you were be proud of the man you are?


Despite all the talk about supersonic transportation, no engineer has ever been able to concoct anything that can go faster than a vacation.


What the heart knows today, the head will know tomorrow.


A miser grows rich by seeming poor. An extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich.


A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.

 

Puns

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

11.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on ahead.'

12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

14. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

17. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!