Irreverent but clean jokes, let's hear them.

Warning Signs that You are Broke

You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking several deep breaths outside your favorite restaurant.

You’ve rolled so many pennies you’re formed a psychic bond with Abraham Lincoln.

Long distance companies quit calling to get you to switch.

You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

You rob Peter and then turn around and rob Paul too.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You give blood every day, just for the orange juice and cookie.

McDonald’s supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

American Express calls and says, “Leave home without it.”

You beg for rides in other people's fishing boats cause you can't afford 2 stroke oil.

You steal mom and dad's pop cans from the garage on your way out the door.

 

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she came to one little boy who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. He replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat or looking up from his drawing, the boy said, “They will in a minute.”

 

The teacher said, “Johnny, use the words bitter end in a sentence.” Johnny thought for a moment and then replied, “My dog chased the neighbor’s cat and bit ‘er end!”

 

A Texas farmer went to Australia for a vacation. Wanting to see how they farm over there he went to a farm and stuck up a conversation. The Aussie shows him his biggest wheat field, but the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice this size.” They walked over and up a hill and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns in Texas that are at least twice the size of these.” So they started walking back and the conversation had died. Suddenly the Texan saw a herd of kangaroos hopping across a field. He asks, “What is Sam hill are those things?” The Aussie gave him an incredulous look and replies, “Oh! Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”

 

A greater percentage of men have genius level IQs than women. And they still can’t figure out what to get their wives for Christmas.