Everything in life has rules. The following rules apply to effectively managing relationships. Those who live by the rules shall profit Those who don't shall perish. Eileen McGathy Rules of Life 1: The Female always makes the rules 2: The rules are subject to change at anytime without prior notification to the Male. 3: No Male is allowed to know the rules. 4: If the Female ever suspects the Male knows some or all of the rules, she must change some or all of the rules. 5: The Female is never wrong. 6: If the Female ever appears to be wrong it is due to a misunderstanding caused by something the Male said, or did which was wrong. 7: The Female may change her mind at any time. 8: The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female. 9: The Female has the right to become angry or emotionally upset at any time. 10: If rules 6 or 9 apply the Male must apologize. 11: If the Female has PMS all rules are null and void at her discretion. See rules 1,2,5 and 7.
… So… this must be the neighbor who is tired of people stopping at his place instead of the fancy shmancy tree farm next door? Or… he has a no frills tree farm with a wicked cool sign? He could have put up a sign saying, "You don't want to buy a Christmas tree do ya?"
The year’s best headlines • Crack found on Governor’s Daughter. • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids • Miners Refuse to Work After Death • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant • War Dims Hope for Peace • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead • Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft • Hospitals are sued by seven foot doctors • Local high school dropouts cut in half • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his car: I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment and if I don’t park here, I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses. When he came back, he found a parking ticket and this note: I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus have in common? They were all born on a holiday. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved. A fellow went to a psychiatrist and was told he was crazy. He said he wanted another opinion, so the psychiatrist told him, “Okay, you’re ugly too!” A young boy was helping his grandfather dig potatoes. After a while the child began to tire. “Grandpa,” he asked wearily, “what made you bury these things anyway.” The recruit complained to the sergeant that he had a splinter in his finger. “You should have more sense,” was the harsh reply, “than to scratch your head.”