So cold here last winter, I heard about A guy riding the train to Whitier, He went on the deck on the last car to pee As soon as the liquid hit the ground, it froze solid & jerked him right off the train. Guy was never seen again
Golden Telephone A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about Churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco & started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs & making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall & was intrigued with a sign, which read "Calls: $10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone & the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor & continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Dallas, St. Louis, Chicago, Milwaukee & around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign & the same answer from each pastor. Finally, he arrived in Alaska. Upon entering a Church in Alaska, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: $0.35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Father Jones, I have been in cities all across the country & in each church I have found this golden telephone & have been told it is a direct line to Heaven & that I could talk to God, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads only $0.35 cents a call. Why? The priest, smiling benignly, replied : "Son, you're in Alaska now. Home of the Iditarod, Mt. McKinley . We have hundreds of Glaciers Wild Salmon, Moose, Dall Sheep, Grizzly Bears the largest National forests , & friendliest people in the world! You're in God's Country. It's a local call." AMEN.
Dave I was wondering if you know where this is at? http://www.postysnativegiftshop.com/about-us.html this was my great aunt. She raced dogs up into her 60's. We have been posting some of the pictures on our family website. Gary
Cool Near Tok Alaska Driving into Alaska Turn left at Tok Go about 80 miles to Chistochina. Right after you cross the Chistochina River Trading post on the right before you get to the village. Been by it a few times, I rarely get that far North. Only way to & from Alaska Google earth picture:
YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, “SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.” WELL, YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE: MY NAME IS ALICE, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. ”YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,” HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. “WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?” I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, “IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?” “YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!” I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, ”WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?”
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen." What is Celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He then addressed the men. Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower? Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it? And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
This is funny and sad at the same time. Not meant to offend at all, I think it was an old line from Sid Ceasar. My friend is in a middle of a break-up from a 3 yr. relationship. His ex is a total Lib. from So. Cal, French teacher, and Jewish. He finally got tired of her behavior and called it off, but he's not happy. I asked him- "Why do married Jewish men die so young?" Him-I don't know? "Because they want to." He laughed his arse off. Funny thing, his housemate is a Jewish woman and found that funny also. (she's cool though, didn't like his ex. anymore than I did)
The Home Depot Scam is back A”heads up” for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends. Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each
I can't post it because of the family friendly forum. Check out Tom Hanks Celebrity Jeopardy from SNL 2009.
A traffic officer, made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan , KS. He asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to him. In with the cards he was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. He looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time. She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something, body language or the way she said it made him want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now he had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. He then asked her what was she so afraid of. She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damm thing!"
Teacher ask little Johnny the definition of fascinate. Johnny replies " My aunt Mary has 12 buttons on her sweater but she can only Fasten Eight" A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.' He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party?' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.” A couple of ranchers were talking and one said, “I don't know what I am going to do with my new bull. He wont go near the cows and just has no interest in them.” The other rancher said 'you should call the vet and have him look him over for you.” The next time they meet up the rancher says, “Boy, that vet gave my bull some pills and he has serviced all my cows, broke down the fence and serviced who knows how many cows in the neighborhood.” “What did the vet give him?” asked the other rancher. “I don't know, but they taste a little like peppermint,” he said. Capital Letters? Who uses them anymore? In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of using capital letters. For those who fall into this category, please take a note of the following statement: Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack...
