In loving memory of Kenis D. Keathley 6/4/81 - 3/27/22 Loving father, husband, brother, friend and firewood hoarder Rest in peace, Dexterday

Your best dad jokes...

Discussion in 'Everything Else (off topic)' started by brenndatomu, Nov 18, 2023.

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  1. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    You'll be dying to get it! :D
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 3, 2025
    #301 Top
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  2. yooperdave

    yooperdave

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    Why is there a fence around that cemetery?




    People are dying to get in.




    How many people are dead in that cemetery?



    All of them.
     
    yooperdave, Dec 4, 2025
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  3. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Did you hear about the dead guy that won the lottery? Lucky stiff!

    Never loan money to a zombie as they'll always stiff you!

    I used to have hundreds of people under me at work...I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.

    How can you tell when a zombie has a cold? He's coffin a lot!
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 4, 2025
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  4. RCBS

    RCBS

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    What do you call a Deer with no eyes?


















    No idear! :D
     
    RCBS, Dec 4, 2025
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  5. JoeyD

    JoeyD

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    How do crabs get around on land?
    .
    .
    .
    The sidewalk.
     
    JoeyD, Dec 7, 2025
    #305 Top
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  6. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Why does the ocean roar?

    If you had crabs under you, you'd roar too!
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 7, 2025
    #306 Top
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  7. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Did you hear that chocolate has pronouns now?!


    Yeah...her/she
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 12, 2026
    #307 Top
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  8. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    My wife asked for some peace n quiet while cooking...so I silenced the smoke alarm.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2026
    brenndatomu, Jan 12, 2026
    #308 Top
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  9. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    When my ex and I were dating the smoke alarm in her apartment was very sensitive. When she cooked supper it would buzz quite often even though she wasn't burning anything. I called it the dinner bell!
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 12, 2026
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  10. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    My wife tripped while carrying a basket of newly laundered clothes...and I just sat there and watched it all unfold...
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 12, 2026
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  11. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    What did the sock say to the shirt as they tumbled around the washing machine?

    "Meet me at the clothesline, that's where I hang out"
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 12, 2026
    #311 Top
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  12. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Did you know that before the crowbar was invented, crows could only drink at home?!
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 13, 2026
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  13. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Just to remind you Dave this is the BEST dad jokes thread! :picard::rofl: :lol:
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 13, 2026
    #313 Top
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  14. metalcuttr

    metalcuttr

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    What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me One.....With Everything"!:picard:
     
    metalcuttr, Jan 13, 2026
    #314 Top
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  15. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Did y'all hear about the study that was done on how people walk when they're drunk?








    The results were staggering
    :D
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 15, 2026 at 6:04 PM
    #315 Top
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  16. wildwest

    wildwest Moderator

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    :rofl: :lol:
     
    wildwest, Jan 15, 2026 at 8:06 PM
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  17. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    I walked into a bar once...almost got a concussion!
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 15, 2026 at 8:33 PM
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  18. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Lucky you have a hard head, huh?! ;) :p :rofl: :lol:
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 15, 2026 at 8:41 PM
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  19. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    indeed!:yes:
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 15, 2026 at 8:44 PM
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  20. billb3

    billb3

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    What do you get when the sun bends over ?



    The crack of dawn.
     
    billb3, Jan 15, 2026 at 11:44 PM
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