Your best dad jokes...

You'll be dying to get it!

 

Why is there a fence around that cemetery?




People are dying to get in.




How many people are dead in that cemetery?



All of them.

 

Did you hear about the dead guy that won the lottery? Lucky stiff!

Never loan money to a zombie as they'll always stiff you!

I used to have hundreds of people under me at work...I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.

How can you tell when a zombie has a cold? He's coffin a lot!

 

What do you call a Deer with no eyes?


















No idear!

 

How do crabs get around on land?
.
.
.
The sidewalk.

 

Why does the ocean roar?

If you had crabs under you, you'd roar too!

 

Did you hear that chocolate has pronouns now?!


Yeah...her/she

 

My wife asked for some peace n quiet while cooking...so I silenced the smoke alarm.

 

When my ex and I were dating the smoke alarm in her apartment was very sensitive. When she cooked supper it would buzz quite often even though she wasn't burning anything. I called it the dinner bell!

 

My wife tripped while carrying a basket of newly laundered clothes...and I just sat there and watched it all unfold...

 

What did the sock say to the shirt as they tumbled around the washing machine?

"Meet me at the clothesline, that's where I hang out"

 

Did you know that before the crowbar was invented, crows could only drink at home?!

 

Just to remind you Dave this is the BEST dad jokes thread!

 

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me One.....With Everything"!

 

Did y'all hear about the study that was done on how people walk when they're drunk?








The results were staggering

 

I walked into a bar once...almost got a concussion!

 

Lucky you have a hard head, huh?!

 

indeed!

 

What do you get when the sun bends over ?



The crack of dawn.