I'm goin' through the big D and I don't mean Dallas....

She used to beeeeee sooooooo Nice

 

Definitely agree
Take me for who and how I am now

 

That's right! Not for what you might hope or think I'll become. It's all about being happy in the present.

 

I got married when I was 20, she was 18 and pregnant. That was 1983. We split up in 1999. I got married again in 2008. Divorce is tough all the way around. I pray things get better for you buddy. My oldest daughter said that me and her mom were both better people after the divorce.

 

I've got no experience and always wish to have none, but some here have and have written some excellent advice.

You've got a great group here to lend an ear and give advice.

 

Sirchopsalot
Man, been there, done that.
It's rough.

My advice, do NOT blame yourself. You are only 1/2 of the relationship.

I did that after my divorce, and it took a LOT of time to relinquish that guilt.
(Feeling like I failed as a husband)

X1000^^^

Definitely take the time to realize who you are, what you want.

I was always self sufficient, and after being with Chazsbetterhalf for 25 years, yeah.. I've changed.

Still self sufficient, but lacking motivation.
Working on that.

Once you're comfortable again as a person alone, then you can seek companionship on your own terms.

You determine how your future unfolds.

Keep your faith, and carry on.

 

Very well said.

 

Man, nailed some good points for consideration. Will reread that one again in the future.
You're right about the music. I quit listening about 15 years ago.

 

Funny enough, a co-worker said something similar a few weeks ago. I guess I (we all) have the tendency to see what we did wrong, of our faults, and miss all the great things. The 'other' likes to blame and point out our deficiencies and that gets our focus. How freeing when I first heard that thought and accepted it.

Funny enough I've been alone in about every way for several years now: my own room, my own friends, running things my way, just for lack of outside input or opinion. But I have a lot of character flaws, junk in the trunk, that just never got taken care of. If she leaves, I'll definitely take time to fly solo. I think to get involved too soon, or too quickly with her if things do work out for us, would be damaging to my own process.

Good food for thought on all accounts.

 

Got that right.
Love this place (and lotsa folks in it)!

 

So keeping a sabbath holy is one thing i allowed work to prevent....as far as church. And in church, we had for years, good support. Once I slowed attending due to work, "our" support turned into "her" support.
So, work that prevents church cant exist. Especially in a new relationship someday, but also in repairing (allowing Him to repair) me.

For this divorce to be done would require me to be more anchored to this job.

A couple weeks ago I approached a missions type organization. They take time to get people fixed up (akin to a residential treatment model) after which the mission field is a goal, as well as returning to the work force.

They called back a couple days ago, and told me that I should get there when I can, and if theres not a bed for me, they'll give me the couch. (I said id be ok with the hay loft).

Its a working farm (sounds like fun) with counseling, church, fellowship with other men going through things, working together with them, and doing missionary work.

So, I'm liquidating everything, selling the house, splitting the proceeds, and more or less heading out.

Ill drive the truck (still wearing the FHC sticker) taking more or less what I need in a frame pack and a box of winter gear. I'm going to take saws and associated gear, because they use cordwood there.

It will take time to take all my stuff to people here who need it, and affect a few repairs on the house. Divorce should be final in a few weeks, hopefully she is gone shortly thereafter, and I can sell the place after. Id like to stick around and work more, staying with people near and dear to me......maybe a few weeks.

Its 7 or 8 months of rehab/training, based on Ephesians 6:12.

The fire wood has been going to a couple folks who need it.

I just reread everything above, and its amazing how much of it has been true or come to pass.

Love and blessings..
Sca

 

Sorry to hear it. Best of luck to you.

 

All the best Sirchopsalot in your next chapter. Keep us posted.

 

Church ........LOL.
We spent well over 10 years at the same one.
Then divorce became reality.
She was embraced and I was banished.
I had zero support, zero friends she got them too.
I learned a life lesson that day, cleared my mind walked away, let it go and be me.
I walked away from 90% of my worldly belongings and never looked back.
I kept my clothes, truck and tools. We sold the big house and bought two small ones.
Did not look back, did not harp on issues, started over at day one.
Reset my hard drive to factory settings.
That was over 25 years ago.

 

Yup....thats about it!
My faith didn't abandon me, I abandoned it.
I'm the one that allowed things to get in the way.

But, that faith has guided me on my journey....into leaving and where to leave to.
Sca Jr is also following a similar path, i may run into him out there.

Funny note, he sent me a pic of a cross cut into a tree stump (my trademark on tree jobs I go on....see my avatar pic).....looking to have been made with a saw. Apparently ScaJr runs saws, and did that as a nod to his old man.

The place I'm headed to focuses on healing and fixin', then equipping for the next move. I don't want to take my life's issues, and those from 24 years of engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering......into the next relationship. If there is one.

Sca

 

Welp, almost all the firewood stacks are gone.
Nothing like the feeling of handing stuff off to those who need it. Prolly 20 cord is blessing those around me.

Pallets are going away and I found a location to bring the remainders for burning once the weather changes. At least I won't have to leave them here getting in the way, or try to burn them in this dry spell. I am infinitely happy that I did not go with plastic pallets.....I can't imagine dealing with dozens of those things.
The place is emptying out, down to the essentials almost!

Change is afoot!

SCA

 

Are you going to take up cooking? I mean with a name like Sir chopsalot, you need to chop something. Chop onions, veggies, chop suey. Lol

 

Sounds like the next Food Channel star.

 

Well,
funny enough, they need wood cut there.....I guess till recently, they heated with wood. If the wood burning infrastructure is there, I reckon they'd be glad for wood to be cut and split. But for now they use wood for campfires.
There are 10+ guys living there, so yeah, there is cooking, on a larger than "home" scale. Also something me and the 'ex" used to like doing together. Not sure how they do cooking there, but I'd imagine I'll get involved at some point.

When I get there, I won't be able to post for a while, but I'll start a new thread and go from there.

SCA

 

All good Brother! Just know we are keeping you in our thoughts.