Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight,UPS pilotsfill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. * P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. * P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. * P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. * P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. * P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. * P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. * P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.. * P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. * And the best one for last * P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from the midget.
I'll have to share this one with my son, he is an electronics instrumentation tech in the Air National Guard.
As a 20+ year airplane mechanic, I can tell you a few things in this are wildly wrong and one is dead on. This joke has been going around for years, the first time I saw it the airline was quantas. Quantas is not possible though, as only military aircraft have IFF. The civilian world has transponders. UPS has had many crashes, flying in the dark most of the year, and in weather that the airlines cancel for will cause that. The truest part of this is the part about education. I did a two year tech school after high school. Since then I've made double or more what my education cost each year. Pilots error causes 95% of plane crashes. Mechanics are to blame less than 2% of the time
Good to meet you Rowerwet. I am an aircraft mechanic as well (A&P/IA) and a pilot (Commercial, CFI). Both since the mid 80's. I am currently earning my living in education, teaching others how to turn wrenches rather than doing it myself. And, I likewise am only visiting this planet; this place is not my home, I'm just passing through. Greg
Thanks, I've been employed by a contractor to UPS and FedEx for ten years now. We operate 50 twin and single engine turboprop (PT-6) planes (C208, BE-99, EMB-110). We fly all over the northeast US, I get flown all over to fix them wherever they break. I'm also one of two guys who do avionics installs, troubleshooting and pitot static/transponder certifications. (Spark chaser) Never got my IA, and don't need it here. If you live in ME or VT I'm directly involved in getting your UPS air packages launched each morning. (13 planes built from '63 to early '80's) this time of year is the craziest, at least it isn't freezing like some years! For the past four years I've also been the caretaker/pastor of a small church.
Love the 208, we operated one in Africa. I personally flew the 206, but helped maintain the 208. Greg
