In loving memory of Kenis D. Keathley 6/4/81 - 3/27/22 Loving father, husband, brother, friend and firewood hoarder Rest in peace, Dexterday

Irreverent but clean jokes, let's hear them.

Discussion in 'Everything Else (off topic)' started by Greenstick, Feb 19, 2022.

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  1. Greenstick

    Greenstick

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    Dad jokes, jokes that make people laugh then ask what is wrong with you, or anything else you shouldn't laugh at but can't help yourself, post'em up.
     
    Greenstick, Feb 19, 2022
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  2. Greenstick

    Greenstick

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    Why don't orphans make good baseball players???
    They don't know where home is.
     
    Greenstick, Feb 19, 2022
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  3. Tiewire

    Tiewire

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    Can an orphan eat at a family restaurant?
     
    Tiewire, Feb 19, 2022
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  4. Backwoods Savage

    Backwoods Savage Moderator

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    Yes, this one could turn sour quickly, but...

    If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
     
    Backwoods Savage, Feb 19, 2022
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  5. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    o_O

    I really hope there is some back story here...otherwise... o_O :zip:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2022
    brenndatomu, Feb 19, 2022
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  6. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    Why did the mortician put a chair beside the casket?…......
    For rigor mortis to set in.

    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  7. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    What do dentists call their x-rays?

    Tooth pics!



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  8. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

    It had great food, but no atmosphere.



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  9. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

    It was in tents!



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  10. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    Why do ducks have feathers?

    To cover their butt quacks!



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  11. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

    One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  12. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

    He got fired.



    Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
     
    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  13. ammoaddict

    ammoaddict

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    You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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    ammoaddict, Feb 19, 2022
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  14. Backwoods Savage

    Backwoods Savage Moderator

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    5 Reasons why Computers must be Male

    1. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

    2. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.

    3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.

    4. They’re typically obsolete within 5 years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they’ve already invested so much in the dammed thing that they’re compelled to remain with an underpowered system.

    5. They get hot when you turn them on, and that’s the only time you have their attention.

    5 Reasons Computers Must Be Female

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.


    2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.


    3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.


    4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."


    5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
     
    Backwoods Savage, Feb 20, 2022
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  15. TurboDiesel

    TurboDiesel

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    Ok. Ill be the one to say it. This thread turned south right from the beginning.

    Carry on
     
    TurboDiesel, Feb 20, 2022
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  16. Backwoods Savage

    Backwoods Savage Moderator

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    The Rest of the Story

    There was a great loss in the entertainment world recently. The man who wrote the song, “Hokey Pokey,” died. The worst thing though is that the undertaker had a terrible time keeping the body in the casket. He’d put his left leg in... Well, you know the rest of the story.
     
    Backwoods Savage, Feb 20, 2022
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  17. yooperdave

    yooperdave

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    [​IMG]
     
    yooperdave, Feb 20, 2022
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  18. Barcroftb

    Barcroftb

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    Woof
     
    Barcroftb, Feb 20, 2022
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  19. Stihl Kicking

    Stihl Kicking

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    When my granddaughter was about 12, we were boating, anchored in a cove with the family, I pointed to a tree stump and said to her "I'm trying to figure out what that is... it's got me stumped". Later in the day, boating back to the ramp, we pass by a tall limestone bluff, I waved at the bluff and yelled "Hi Cliff"!

    She's 35 now, and still laughs about it.

    Sometimes jokes are situational. The tree stump should be easy with this crowd, you could say,"I'm trying to figure out what kind of tree that was, it's got me stumped". Sometimes, they're so bad, you have to point out they're jokes....
     
    Stihl Kicking, Feb 20, 2022
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  20. Stihl Kicking

    Stihl Kicking

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    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

    She couldn't control her pupils!
     
    Stihl Kicking, Feb 20, 2022
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