Best Jeff Foxworthy, You might be a redneck line you remember.

I'll start it off with one that I remember. I think it went like this.

If your front porch collapses and kills more than four dogs. Ya might be a red neck!

 

My favorite is 'if you ever cut your grass and found a car, you might be a redneck'.

That actually happened to me a long time ago.

 

When your son comes to your 8th grade graduation, you might be a redneck

 

LOFL

 

If you go to your family reunion to look for a date, ya might be a redneck.

 

If you divorce your wife and still call her "Sis" you might be a redneck

 

If your wallet and your dog have a chain.

 

if your wife surprises you with an anniversary gift of "his and hers" spit cups... you might be a redneck.

 

If you have to brush hog your front yard to find your barbacue, you might be a red neck

 

Heard him on the radio years ago ending a show with Pittsburgh jokes. Not sure if these are really his but they are close:

If your Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Pittsburgh ..

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Pittsburgh

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Pittsburgh.

If an old chair left in a cleared parking spot on a snowy street looks to you like a declaration of the sovereignty over that spot, you live in Pittsburgh.

If 'Jumbo' doesn't refer to a fictional elephant but means a kind of luncheon meat, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you can both 'go up the street' or 'dawntawn', you live in Pittsburgh.

If Versailles is pronounced as if it is spelled 'versales', you live in Pittsburgh.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line for the weekend, you live in Pittsburgh

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again you live in Pittsburgh

If someone offers you an 'ahrn' and you know to drink it, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Pittsburgh

If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Pittsburgh.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 75 and everybody is passing you, you live in Pittsburgh.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Pittsburgh.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in Pittsburgh.

 

Someone in Pittsburgh stole took, that from a Michigander.
Our DQ has been closed for a while .......and I'm not happy.

If you can drive "up North" and "downstate", you live in Mi.
If you can use your hand to explain where you live, you live in Mi.
If you forget how to drive in the snow that happens EVERY winter, you live in Mi. (and are obviously a lifelong resident)
And, the best one....If you say "face cord" to describe how much wood you just cut, bought, or stole scrounged, you live in Mi.
Pete, Dennis....any other Mi folk wanna' help out here?

 

The DQ here always put up a sign in the winter that said "Closed for season, reason....freezin'". I always thought that was clever. Simple minds ya know.

 

If you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

 

if your family tree "DOES NOT FORK" ... you might be a redneck

 

LOFL

 

If your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath". Ya might be a redneck.

 

If you think a chainsaw is a musical instrument, ya .......

Some of you guys are caught now!

 

If you think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

If you've ever gotten too drunk to fish.