The other funny picture thread

Teachable moments

 

Girl's parents wouldn't buy her a pony so she taught herself to ride a cow instead

 

"Don't forget about the corgi!"

 

Rabbit hole find..

 

Stuck on the night shift this week and stopped into Arby's for a bite and got a chuckle outta this as I guess the person didn't read the sign below while putting up the letters?

 

A good Irish joke


During his routine medical check, Paddy asked the doctor... "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

Paddy said, "I don't go for any of that astrology nonsense."

"Neither do I", replied the doctor..."My thermometer just broke in your arse."

 

Why I Like Retirement !


Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday




Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after falling asleep on the couch.



Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?


Answer:

Only one, but it might take all day.




Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.



Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.




Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.



Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.




Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!



Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.




Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.


Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.



Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.




Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.



And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.



SERENITY


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs

and have fun finding them.


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my

hands and feet anymore. Can't remember

if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and

down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune

to run into the ones I do, and the

eyesight to tell the difference.


Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!

 

Wok this way

 

Kitchen skills

 

Excuse me.

 

There’s a snake in my boot

 

Oh come on... Just a bite!

 

Trailer Takeoff...

 

I guess he ran out of time to design a proper seat.

 

Ummmmm...

 

Well