Why I Like Retirement.

Why I Like Retirement !!!

Question : How many days in a week?
Answer : 6 Mondays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner .

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Very true

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Sometime 15%

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS! So true!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage ?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: The time between breakfast and dinner.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite.... QUESTION: What do you do all week ?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

 

QUESTION: What do you do all week ?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

I've been retired since Jan 1,2019 and love it! No complaints.....just smiles!

 

congratulations, Knothead !

 

Congrats and welcome to the coffee clutch!

 

I would have thought that the answer to the first question is 6 Saturdays and 1 Sunday.

 

I like that schedule a lot better!

Whenever I get that old feeling of unfinished business and impending doom-usually on Sunday evening-I remember that I no longer have to go in for work......roofs, crawlspaces, attics, filthy conditions, intolerable weather conditions, spaces too small...…. are all nothing but bad memories....and I just end up laughing-sometimes out loud!

Early retirement was a very easy decision for me. No way should someone have to deal with the extra years of stress/tension just for a couple hundred bucks more each month!

 

I'm part time retired. Working part time.....not sure why.....

but the work part time does really get in the way of my projects.

 

C'mon now justdraftn You're either retired or still working.

Remember, there is no such thing as "kinda pregnant"



Get rid of that dang work schedule already!

 

….boy, the truth cuts deep.

 

Seems you have an important decision to make.
We'll see if you answer correctly.

 

x2

 

You gotta love those days when you wake up and discover you have nothing to do and at the end of the day you are only half done

 

Killing me. 3 years six months to go and no reason for an encore career. No one could afford me for what i would want to continue.

 

The first rule is never go out to do any errands or shopping on the weekend or after 3:00 on a weekday. Too many people.

 

LIVING WITH A RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company
money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

That is too funny! Going to Walmart will never be the same.

 

Freakin hilarious XXL

 

Funny. It gave me new ideas when the wife drags me along.