A bit of humor!

still wouldn"t turn my nose at 50%

 

this HAS been fact ch'''''''''''''''''''d have a day folks

 

Hey Guys,

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats
plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he
bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding --
so he can't go.



If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St.
Peter's Church in New York City at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's
5'4", about 125 lbs, good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the
one in the white dress.

 

Golf and Hooters...
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Nevada, the other to Florida.
They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs ...”
“OK.”

Ten years later at age 40 they play.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”
“OK.”

Ten years later at age 50 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.”
”OK.”

At age 60 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price.”
“OK”

At age 70 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”
“OK.”

At age 80 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”

 

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said "Man, how did this happen?"

The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles. "Oh," exclaims the doctor, "The pain must have been excruciating!"

"It was," said the hunter. "The second worst pain in my life."

"Second worst? What could have been worse than that?"

"Coming to the end of the chain" said the hunter.

 

SPANISH WORDS OF THE DAY................

1. *Cheese* The teacher told Pepito to use the word
cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but
cheese fat

2. *Mushroom* When all my family get in the car,
there's not mushroom.

3. *Shoulder* My fren wanted to become a citizen but
she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas* My fren always Texas me when I'm not
home wondering where I'm at!

5. *Herpes* Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine
piece and she got herpes.

6. *July* Ju told me ju were going to tha store and
July to me! Julyer!

7. *Rectum* I had two cars but my wife rectum!

8. *Chicken* I was going to g o to the store with my
wife but chicken go herself.

9. *Wheelchair* We only have one enchalada left, but
don't worry, wheelchair.

10. *Chicken* *wing* My wife plays the lottery so
chicken wing.

11. *Harassment* My wife caught me in bed with
another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

12. *Bishop* My wife fell down the stair so I had topick the bishop.

13. *Body wash* I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. *Brief* Maria fart in my car and it stinkie so bad I could not brief.

 

"Dogs Welcome!"
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to
visit on his vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog
with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing
to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate
reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: SIR: "I've been operating
this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal
towels, bedclothes, silverware or steal pictures off the walls or use
them as a coloring book. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of
the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run
out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And,
if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

 

My chemistry teacher told me years ago that alcohol was a solution....I've been following that lesson ever since....

 

It's that time of year again: