A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow...... > > > > He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms > > folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. > > > After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, > > the hungry bloke bravely asks, > > "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do? > > The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke > > and says, "Nah, ye can gae ahead." > > > Eagerly, the young bloke reaches > > over and slides the bowl over to his place > > and starts spooning it in with delight. > > > > He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse > > in the chilli. > > > > The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the > > chilli back into the bowl. > > > > The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too". > > > > > > > > >
Jumper cables walk into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says " I'll serve you, just don't start anything"
Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence.....................Pete fell off................who was left??
How do you know that the tooth brush was invented in Maine? If it was invented anywhere else it would be a teeth brush.
Three men were sitting at a bar having a beer, one was Scottish, one Irish, and one British. As it so happened, a fly landed in each one of their beers while they were drinking them. The British man promptly pushed his beer away and turned up his nose. The Scottish man picked up the fly, flicked it away, and continued drinking his beer. The Irish man picked up the fly, turned it upside down over his beer and screamed "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!"
An 88 year old man goes to an octogenarian party and meets a spry young thing of 81. They have a few dances together, when a slow dance begins. The woman looks at the man and asks, how often are you used to having sex? The man says, infrequently. The woman then asks, is that one word or two?
