Thought for the day...

There is no shame in not knowing; the shame is in not finding out.


He who fears death cannot enjoy life.


Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize half of them are even worse.



In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. Einstein

 

The following insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:

1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr

2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill

3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response

11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop

12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating

16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx

23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —

 

-Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

-Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

-If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

 

-I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

-When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

-A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

 

-Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

-America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

-Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

 

-My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

-I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

-Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

 

-You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

-If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

-I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

 

-I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

-My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

-My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

 

-The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.

-The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

-I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

 

-Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

-The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

- If a poison’s “use by“ date expires, is it less poisonous or more poisonous?