Thought for the day...

TWO QUARTERS or a DOLLAR BILL

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.

'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!' Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'

 

The following is said to have come from a speech to a graduating class by Bill Gates:


Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

 

If the Bible was man-made, it wouldn’t go against all man-made desires.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
Poison Ivy

“Leaves of three, let it be.”


“Hairy vine, no friend of mine.”


“Raggy rope, don’t be a dope!”

 

Poison ivy vines on trees have a furry “raggy” appearance. This rhyme warns tree climbers to be wary.


Old, mature vines on tree trunks can be quite large and long, with the recognizable leaves obscured among the higher foliage of the tree.


“One, two, three? Don’t touch me.”


“Berries white, run in fright” and “Berries white, danger in sight.”


The sayings are all meant for poison ivy.

 

More on poison ivy.

“Longer middle stem, stay away from them.” This refers to the middle leaflet having a notably longer stem than the two side leaflets and is a key to differentiating it from the similar-looking Rhus aromatica - Fragrant sumac.

“Red leaflets in the spring, it’s a dangerous thing.” This refers to the red appearance that new leaflets sometimes have in the spring. (Note that later, in the summer, the leaflets are green, making them more difficult to distinguish from other plants, while in autumn they can be reddish-orange.)


“Side leaflets like mittens, will itch like the dickens.” This refers to the appearance of some, but not all, poison ivy leaves, where each of the two side leaflets has a small notch that makes the leaflet look like a mitten with a “thumb.” (Note that this rhyme should not be misinterpreted to mean that only the side leaflets will cause itching, since actually all parts of the plant can cause itching.)


“If butterflies land there, don’t put your hand there.” This refers to the fact that some butterflies land on poison ivy, since they are not affected, which provides them protection as their predators avoid eating the plant.


“If it’s got hair, it won’t be fair.” This refers to the hair that can be on the stem and leaves of poison ivy.

 

Old Indian saying for knowing if snow will stay or not: Sticky, no sticky; No sticky, sticky.



It’s better to have wood in times of no money than to have money in times of no wood.



"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." Winston Churchill

 

Even great people have their low moments. After Norman Vincent Peale wrote The Power of Positive Thinking, some pastors gave him a rough time and he thought about quitting. So he went to see his father, a retired Methodist minister and by then an old man. His father said, “Norman, I’ve followed you all your live. You’ve always preached the Gospel and always remained true to Jesus Christ. You are sound. There is only one thing left to do.” Norman asked, “What is that one thing left to do father?” His father said, “Tell those other people to go to Hell.”

 

A stitch in time saves nine what?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not Pass”?
Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

 

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do clowns wear really big socks?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do fish get thirsty?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words?