Columbus Dispatch, The (OH) - October 30, 2001 Author/Byline: John Switzer; Dispatch Columnist Edition: Home Final Section: NEWS Page: 08B Column: Weather It's late October and therefore time for my annual winter acclimation rites. Those who have read my drivel over the years know it is my custom this time of year to go forth into the woods, find a suitable stump and perch on it sans clothing until the fall breezes blow away the stink of summer. At the same time, the breezes lower my core body temperature until I reach the threshold of hypothermia. When I begin to turn blue and my teeth are chattering uncontrollably, I hop off the stump, put on my clothes and drink a bracing beverage to warm my innards. After that, I'm able to withstand any cold weather that winter sends my way. I'm happy to report that I now am impervious to cold because I acclimated in a Hocking County woods one windy morning late last week. A gale-force wind gusting to 30-40 mph was howling through the woods, hurling falling leaves sideways and the stink of summer into the next time zone. Although it was 50 degrees and sunny, the wind chill was such that I acclimated in no time. My stump was wet from the rain that fell the night before, adding to my discomfort. Over the years, many readers have offered their woods for me to acclimate in. Others have said that someday they were going to find me when I was acclimating, but I've never worried about that. You see, I'm a lot like a stealth airplane in the woods. I'm so stealthy that it's almost impossible to hear or see me in the forest. You'll never find me. Don't waste your time trying. I hesitated to report about my annual acclimation rites this year because recently I received a rather nasty note that said: "Please spare us the column this year in which you acclimate yourself to winter by parking your naked, flabby a-- on a tree stump -- there is enough horror in the world." After some thought, I decided to go ahead with my account because this time of year lots of folks ask me if I have gone out in the woods and sat on a stump -- or, as one person asked, "Have you hardened yourself for the winter yet?" I also decided to go ahead with the account because the spineless note writer didn't have the guts to put a name on it.
There is a school of thought that does advocate that very type of regimen! I have done the sauna/roll in the snow thing and also polar bear ice swimming but they are over quickly. Sitting on a wet stump in the windy woods, buck nekked, till my buns turn blue is not for me! Happening on this guy in the woods would certainly ruin a day of deer hunting! Heck, with my luck, he would set down 15 yds from me in my tree stand!
Up here in Dakotah Territory I don't go quite as buck crazy but I too subscribe to the make yourself be cold in October/November/December so you are warm in January/February/March. I try to only wear a flannel shirt or hoodie with maybe a vest until well into winter. Once I get my winter blood in me the brutal cold doesn't seem to hit me as bad. I watch coworkers put on winter coats in early November and freeze all winter long and don't have a lot of pity because they never let themselves acclimate.
