Funny Picture Thread.....4th Attempt!!!!

Late 90's I had an "industrial spray bottle" that would shoot a stream like 12'. I could sit at my chair next to coffee table and read the newspaper or watch tv and reach the new puppy or kitten to get their attention and verbally correct them with one pump.

 

And, why I don't hang around much anymore...

 

Fred

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops an old Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing

 

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the thrash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!


You can't say this? What a shame, Sir!
We'll find you another game, Sir...


If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of Gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and then you go out with a bang,
Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's on the disk,
And the micro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!