Need Health Advice/Suggestions

"Asking for a friend...."

First a little background. The friend in mind is elderly being over 80 years old. Still thinks he is able to function without problems but all those around him see how he has declined over the years.

He has had a couple of close calls with falling on stairs (no injuries) and insists he is alright to keep doing things he has for decades and decades previous.

At gatherings, he will nod off for awhile. People look at it and giggle but it happened more than once now. I can understand if you're in an easy chair watching TV (guilty myself) but this happened when surrounded by people he hasn't seen in years!
You really have to pay attention when he talks because he voice drifts between high volume and almost a whisper.

There is slurring of words and incoherent speech also. He has been to a doctor but will not share his results with anyone and says he is just fine.

We are becoming more and more concerned and vigilant regarding this individual. Should he be able to live without medical or long term care supervision? We worry that his decline may result in the loss of property or even life in a worst case scenario.

Not sure where to turn for the next step. We don't think he can be committed into long term care facility against his will.

 

Sounds like somebody I've seen on TV

 

Someone that took an international flight recently?

 

LMAO

 

Tough spot. Ask him to articulate why he is ok on his own. If he's able to give viable reasons, he should be let be. One of my biggest fears is not death itself, but the thought of my last years/days/hours being spent somewhere I do not want to be. A live in care facility is not a place I want to be.

 

I visit my mom in a memory care facility (dementia that was exacerbated by a stroke caused by C19 vaccination). Not sure what is harder..

taking dad the hour to go see her, or watching him react to how she’s doing. Or seeing how mom’s actually doing.

so I can understand the gentleman’s reluctance to share what’s happening.

 

I think we all know this guy

 

Just my opinion based on experience I've had.
Unless he's posing a hazard to others just support him. Pull his independence and he will become a vegetable.
If he's seeing a doctor that a good thing. If he's tired let him sleep as it could be you someday. I for one would rather go out on my own terms even if it could have been prevented by someone controlling me.

 

Unfortunately it will probably take an "event" to get a mandate for assisted living.
Hopefully this "event" won't see them into full time medical care.
It can be tough to convince someone to leave their home and go live in a dormitory type of group home where they may/may not have to cook their own meals and can have someone come in and clean/check meds, etc., every day, but it is worth a try.
Assisted living is great for those that don't need a "home" or full time nursing/ medical care.
Someone who is very independent might consider assisted living - too soon, but it sure beats having an accident and ending up in a home too soon.

 

We are dealing with my wife’s mom. Her dad passed in 15. Moms 82. Starting to have some difficulty keeping her marbles corralled. She’s ok for now but she’s 100 miles away and we can’t always just go there if there’s a problem. The biggest problem is the wife’s got a useless brother still living at home at 55 and mommy does everything. He is more hindrance than helpful, I guess all hindrance and zero help. She needs to have a tumor removed from her head that is putting pressure on her optic nerve. We are trying to figure out how to make this happen as she needs care and won’t stay here. We go to Florida for 10 days in March and the surgery is in March and we need to work.

 

First thing I would do is remove the ability to drive, if that’s still an option for him.

 

Hi y'all! My mom's 87 and still tending the farm alone....mowing... gardening...herding cats....my concern is she has to do stairs to the lav and bedroom. Independence is great ( I should know) as long as convenience is assured. Make sure this gentleman is on one floor and comfortable..all you can do....

 

His health results are none of your business, unless he so chooses to talk about it. I understand your concern, but it is completely his choice on how to lead his declining years until or unless his house/property becomes a cess pit in which the health department could become involved. I completely understand his desire to live at home and would do almost anything to stay out of a care facility myself. Some of those places are just a place you are waiting to die in. Loss of life is not necessarily the worst thing that can happen, as long as it isn't someone else's life he is putting in danger then let him be.

I am currently getting groceries, meds and doing other errands for an elderly neighbor that has become housebound. My only complaint is that I was never asked, it just became my job as a concerned neighbor because the care facility he was in for several months apparently did not make sure he had a support system in place when they brought him back home.

My parents, who are in their late 80's, and Dad has Alzheimers (it runs in the family), are talking about moving to a care facility. Mom is still good, but Dad has declined enough that it is a real strain on her. It has always been their choice on how they handle this part towards their end of life and we kids support their decisions as best we can.

 

Wish you the best for when this occurs…

 

Ha! there's a reason why you live in a one story house, right?

Regarding the OP, nothing will be done. Just needed some vent time. And for the record, it is not a direct family member. By now, anyone that knows me should remember that I will not share much personal info.

Personally, I did go through this with in-laws and it is not a good time to see the degradation of a loved one. And I agree completely with the posts about removing independence.

Thanks all!

 

We know. It's your uncle Joe.

 

yooperdave Is there a county dept of aging where this individual is? You may be able to check with them and ask them what can be done for your friend.

 

yooperdave
First, you’re always allowed to vent here that’s what we’re here for..
Second we had to do this with my dad, I personally called his doctor and said he’s driving was scaring me. Dr., set up a aged, driving test, and due to his dementia. He failed it miserably.
After that, it’s his life, let him live it, how he see fit.