Yet Another Funny Picture Thread (3rd attempt)

This is a JOKE folks!!! before someone reports it...

Black Boys

South African Dutchman Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa. His first overseas trip was a holiday in Australia, he decided to spend an afternoon visiting Bondi Beach.

As he sat on the beach looking out to sea he saw a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by, "What are all those little black things out there?"

"They're buoys," said the Aussie.

"Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"

"Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.

"Great country!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed, "We'd never get away with that at home!

 

I used to sit on these in school.

 

Book Review plus a Confession




Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.


Titanic: Cost – $29.99
Clinton : Cost – $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullchit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill
Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let’s not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of Seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thing






An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knockedurgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."


The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."


The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people, under those circumstances, can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, and admit your sins, you are indeed forgiven."


"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."


"And what is that my son?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?''