Both Ole and Sven wanted some money, so they went to the bank for a loan. Sven went in first. "I want $10,000!" "What do you do for a living?" asked the manager. "I'm a pilot!" said Sven. "Well, that is a good profession!" said the manager, so he gave him the money. Then Ole went in and said, "I want $10,000 too!" "Well, what do you do for a living?" asked the manager. "I'm a lumberjack," he replied. "Well, I can't give a lumberjack that kind of money," said the manager. "Well, what's the deal with that, if I don't cut the wood, Sven can't pile it."
Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort. "Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued. They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender’s curiosity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked. "51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded. "What did you do in 51 days?" he probed. "Put the puzzle together," they replied, "51 days, and the box said 3-5 years!"
Lars, Sven and Ole were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and neighbors are mourning you, what would you like them to say?” Lars said, “I vould like dem to say dat I vas a vonderful husband, a fine spirtual leader, and a gut family man.” . Sven said, “I vould like dem to say I vas a vonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in da lives of people.” . Ole said, “I vould like dem to say, ‘Look! He’s moving!’
Sven the farmer A Minnesota farmer named Sven had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Ajax Company. In court, the Ajax Company's hot shot attorney questioned him thus "Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?" Sven responded: "Vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" Sven said, "Vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road... "The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. "By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Sven's answer and said to the attorney: "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie. "Sven said: 'Tank you," and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Ajax truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch. "By yimminy yahosaphat, I vas hurt purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans. "Shortly after da accident,a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes. "Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, How are you feelin?'" "Now wot da fock vud you say?
