Thought for the day...

Often, I’ve been exhausted on trout streams, uncomfortable, wet, cold, briar-scarred, sunburned, mosquito-bitten, but never, with a fly rod in my hand, have I been unhappy. Charles Kuralt

In the 1700’s, a trapper sold the skin of a buck for a dollar—hence the term “buckskin.”

If I were to name the three most precious resources of life, I should say books, friends, and nature; and the greatest of these, at least the most constant and always at hand, is nature. Nature we have always with us, an inexhaustible storehouse and that of which moves the heart, appeals to the mind, and fires the imagination—health to the body, a stimulus to the intellect, and joy to the soul. John Burroughs

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. Mark Twain

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs. Why do they refer to it as pigskin?

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

Reno, Nevada is further west than is Los Angeles.

 

Every land mammal can jump, except elephants.

Murphy’s Oil Soap is the chemical most often used to clean elephants.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

Cats have over 100 vocal sounds. Dogs have only about 10.

Pinocchio is Italian for “pine head.”

 

Nowadays, people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Oscar Wilde

Heat must be faster than cold: I’ve never caught a heat.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were cold, but when they lit a fire in their boat, it sank. That proves once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book. The other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

Take a lesson from the mosquito. It never waits for an opening…it makes one.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A person with a tidy desk is not doing much work.

There are never enough days in the weekend.

If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all. Ronald Reagan

 

Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas. Former Cabinet Minister Keppel Enderbery

It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. Dan Quayle

It is bad luck to be superstitious. Andrew Mathis

We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees. Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. Hillary Clinton

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a Jack Assparagus, and I’m just the one to do it. A Congressional candidate in Texas

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image, therefore, I have to beat somebody. Richard Nixon

 

A billion here, a billion there. Sooner or later it adds up to real money. Everett Dirksen

Half this game is ninety percent mental. Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. Dan Quayle

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. General Westmoreland

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. Dan Quayle

Man’s most precious possessions are his day dreams.

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

 

As long as schools have tests, there will be prayer.

If it’s really true that we are all here to help others, exactly what are the others here for?

The cost of lumber is so high these days it’s really hard to believe it grows on trees.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.


Kid Prayers:

Dear God
Is it true my father won’t get in heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

Dear God
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You’re on vacation?

Dear God
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have right now?

Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?

Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Dear God,
We read that Thomas Edison made light. But in school they say You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.

 

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box. I was an only child—eventually.

I replaced my car headlights with strobe lights. Now it looks like I’m the only one moving.

Why do police have locks on their lockers in the locker room?

Are there any male ladybugs?

If Law school and the Bar exam are so tough, why are there so many lawyers?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why do tug boats push barges? Shouldn’t they pull them?

 

If scientists knew what they were doing, would it still be called research?

Why is the alphabet in that order anyway?

If practice makes perfect, and nobody can be perfect, then why practice?

What do plain clothes policemen wear on their days off?

If only the good die young, then what does that say about senior citizens.

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

How do “Keep off the grass” signs get where they are?

 

It was your test for the day. No grading will be done though.