Thought for the day...

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

I had a wooden whistle and it wooden whistle!
I bought a tin whistle—now I tin whistle!

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Speaking of trousers, why is a pair of trousers, or pants called a pair? Because of there being two legs, I suppose, But then we also have a pair of gloves, and a pair of socks, etc. Then I ask, why not a pair of bras? They usually come in pairs, don’t they?

I know a man who could tell time by looking at the sun. I could never make out the numbers.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

When planets run around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

 

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

Maybe God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road.

A wild chicken lays about six eggs a year. A domestic chicken produces about 240.

Scientists are treacherous allies on committees, for they are apt to change their minds in response to arguments. C.M. Bowra, 1898-1971

 

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Have you ever wondered how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

The human mind is our fundamental resource. John F. Kennedy

And that’s the world in a nutshell—an appropriate receptacle.

I can see…in what you call the dark, but which to me is golden. I can see a God-made world, not a man-made world. Helen Keller

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself. Charles Schultz

The Years teach what the Days never Know. Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

The family is one of Nature’s masterpieces.

An empty stomach is not a good political advisor. Albert Einstein

Time is relative; it’s only worth depends upon what we do as it is passing. Einstein

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Bertrand Russell

Now that the world is a global village, it’s incumbent on each world leader not to be regarded as the village idiot. Harold Emery

There’s an old New York proverb that goes: A journey of a thousand miles begins with trying to find a parking space near the theater.

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.

 

At the beginning of the empire, the tax rates were low and the revenues were high. At the end of the empire, the tax rates were high and the revenues were low. Irn Khaldun (1332-1400)

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. Erma Bombeck

Lets let all the holidays be switched around for just one time, except April Fool’s Day. We’ll leave that on April 15.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Churchill

The best years of a man’s life are when the kids are old enough to shovel the snow but too young to drive the car.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

 

Why do kamikaze pilot wear helmets?

How do you know when it’s time to tune bagpipes?

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.

Just before takeoff on a commercial flight, a stewardess asked Muhammad Ali to make sure his seatbelt was fastened. “Superman don’t need no seatbelt,” he protested. She answered: “Superman don’t need no airplane either.” He fastened his belt.

Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers most of the time.

 

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomas Edison

Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.


Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio: “You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”

 

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. Mark Russell

The intelligence of the planet is constant and the population is growing.
Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.

Middle age is when your body adds up the years but your mind keeps asking for a recount.

A reporter once asked Mahatma Gandhi, “What do you think of western civilization?” Gandhi replied, “I think it would be a great idea.”

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven’t thought of yet. Ann Landers