Thanks for the thoughts, prayers, and advice. Called mom and talked a little bit. This week they are meeting with the specialist and going to formulate the plan. They live several hours from me so I can't just pop in at any time and winter weather driving is always a concern. I'm sure once they know what is going on and let me know I will probably go for a visit in a couple weeks. Right now I am trying to reconcile with myself the right approach. I'm usually a once I call BS kinda person it took me a while to get there and now there is no going back and I will do anything in my power to do it on my own because that bridge is burned. Part of me feels like before we can move forward the cards all need turned over even if it feels like a kick in the teeth just so we can be on even ground. The other part of me feels like that is exactly why I walked, because there was no even ground because it was always the addict/victom/defensive mentality that he lived and it will just be the same so just suck it up even though I swore to myself never again. It is such a hard decision to make because it took me many years to get mostly beyond the self loathing, get them before they get you, self destructive behavior and mindset I had developed as a coping mechanism. It just feels like going into the belly of the beast that almost devoured me. I don't know that it was anger so much that I walked as it was just better to be completely removed to not deal with the continual issues that inevitably would be there.
x2... good luck Greenstick ... and, your Dad may surprise you. Who knows. Cancer has a way of putting things in perspective.
My father was not easy to live with. He had life time health problems that never slowed him down, but in the last 8 years of his life he had leukemia, skin cancer, and lost a leg due to diabetes complication, and died of a massive heart attack after surgery for a broken hip. Never had a heart to heart moment, but he became much more understanding, appeared to have more of an interest in my life, and we were closer than ever before in the last couple of years of his life. Still not the kind of thing I wished we would have had, but I have a feeling he was doing all he could do. I'd say give it a try-visit and see where it goes.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, I also recommend seeing him. One thing that has not been mentioned is love the sinner, hate the sin. Your mom knows both of you best, let her know what your concerns are. You could see if starting with a letter to him letting him know you are coming to see him and you would like to have a better relationship going forward.
Sending prayers your way Greenstick that the Lord helps route you and your father in a peaceful direction.
Well we had a week. I was planning on going and found out there was a very unexpected funeral for one of the kids friends. My wife said she would stay and take care of things here and be home while the boy was here, but I needed to go. Then found out a cousins MIL passed away and mom wanted me to go with her to the funeral because dad is worried about getting sick while on chemo. Took off Sat morning and spent the weekend there. Many times on the 2 1/2 hour drive I had second thoughts. I toughed it out and did it. No big epiphany moment with dad, but I think it helped put mom's mind at ease so it was worth it for that. Top row L to R Kranky old man me, my 2 brothers and brother on the rights wife, bottom Max, dad, and mom.
I think looking back at this in the future you will be glad you were there. Sorry to hear about the rest of the week. Life sure ain't easy at times.
Continue to pray for your dad and for your forgiveness of the past. Glad you did get a chance to see him. As was stated earlier, try to watch that movie "I can only imagine" with him...
Look at your mom's face in that picture. That is priceless. If she has that picture, she will look at that for years to come and each and every time it will bring a ray of sunshine to her heart. Good for you man!
I agree, Mom looks grateful for the family get together and that picture is worth so much to all of the family.