Don't hide him in the woods, put him right out on the front porch........with a chotgun across his lap.
He has trouble sitting; he got locked knee. However, that is a good idea; I will move him to the door where he can greet people.
Tie him to a porch post with one leg crossed and the chotgun cradled in the crook of one arm. Should prove quite the convo starter. We'll need pics.