Life is Great.................

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.



Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.


I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.



I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.



Old age is coming at a really bad time.



When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup,it feels like a small vacation.



The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."



I don’t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I’m just very wise.



If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.



Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.



Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?



Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.



Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager,only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne.



Life is great!!!!

 

glad you took the day of to post this one!

 

I can touch my toes no problem, of course it’s my balls that touching them.

 

As a John, I'm glad you're now calling it the Jim.

 

so we're going there, are we?

 

You expected something else........from our resident "going there" guy?

 

You're right, I forgot who we were talking about.

 

Dayumm,, and I thought it was a bit "low", even for me.

 

My name is Jon, my wife's name is Lou Ann, between us we are a pair of shi@@ers, a jon and a lou!

 

think this thread is going down the drain.

 

That's