You would not believe the drama! Katie and are pressing into service (3) girls; ages 11, 12 and 13 to bring in some firewood beside the stove. WOW! You would have thought we asked them to win the Gold medal at the Winter Olympics in hockey. Halfway through, one had a headache, one needed a drink of water, another needed gloves. Their special jeans got ruined, they got tired, and at times they were bringing in (1) piece at a time, other times (2) but they were an inch in diameter. Keep in mind we were asking them to bring in about 100 pieces of wood, and since we use a pot bellied stove, a big piece was 6 inches in diameter and 6 inches long! There was plenty of tears, lots of complaining, and lots of sarcasm! And we were paying them...$5 per girl. I think this deal was worse then a pyramid scheme because it is our own fault, we should have started them earlier in this, and not been so easy on them. I was half inclined to deduct $2 from their pay just so they knew what it was like to pay Uncle Sam and FICA, but felt gracious and will save that for a later date. Can you imagine my forefather's hearing of this? "You paid them how much? To just bring in wood? Back in my day they had to wade through 3 feet of snow, cut the wood with an axe, cut and split it, and carried it into the house..or they would have got the horse whip." (No pictures: 3 crying daughters is rather pathetic).
Our youngest didn't like handling firewood so the small splits got called Wanda blocks. She wasn't impressed by that. Now she would be the firewood processor in her family if they burnt wood.
When they are done with the work you should deduct some from each of them and explain it is for you having to put up with their whining and complaining. Explain to them there is a cost for bad behavior, and then let them stew about it.
My 12 year old son does all of his complaining before hand. Not sure why? He has never complained himself out of helping!
Reminds me of when my nephew was listening to my brother and I talking about helping our father-in the woods, hand labor with his excavating business, and all the other chores teen aged boys can do. He looked at us and said "did you have to?" We looked at each other laughed-it was never discussed. My mother would wake us at 6:30 and say "Your father is going to the woods." We can dressed in whatever warm clothes we had, ate breakfast, and got in the truck!
That is actually a great idea. I just hope they don't ask for a real world example, because sadly where I worked whining was encouraged as the workers would just go to the local shop steward who would file a complaint to the company, where meeting after meeting was held, and finally whomever was lazy got out of doing it. In the meantime the mid-level managers just learned who the "workers were" and would come to people like me who actually worked and got things done. I did not mind, working made the day go by so what did I care. It was a hard place to be. The other workers hated me because I "was the reason they did not get overtime", to which I said, "And you are the reason we don't get ships to build." The company had a love/hate relationship with good workers because "we do not get paid to build ships, we get paid to bill hours to the US Navy." Me...as a Taxpayer thought it was all very disgusting. It was so bad that a former foreman who went to work for the US Navy as an inspector stopped by one time and said, "I was going to stop and chat with you, but you are the first welder I saw all week who was actually welding that I did not want to stop you." Considering there was 600 welders, and it was a week in duration, that is kind of sad. No wonder it takes 7000 workers 4 years to build a billion dollar ship.
Well I guess on the bright side...complaining or not, they still did it eh? Some kids these days would probably refuse...
Okay...maybe we are not that bad. Now I say that because they would never outright refuse. We may have been too easy on them over the years, BUT we do ensure what we says goes. Not abusive, but there are consequences. One things about Daughters and Daddies though is that they are always looking for their Dad's approval, and I let them know I was very disappointed. Honestly I take a lot of the fault on this because I have coddled them over the years and let them off lightly. Part of it is my own upbringing where I was expected to work on a dairy farm AND get good grades. One year I let my grades slip, and my Grandfather met me in the hay mound...one way in and one way out. He had an broken axe handle in his hands, and two broken ribs later I learned that good grades AND work was required. I never told that story to anyone until years later when I said "I became a good kid because of it." Someone asked if it was actually "In spite of it?" I did not have the answer for that question...then or now...but in retrospect probably think the latter. Being tough on children is one thing, broken ribs is probably abuse. I would never do that to any of my kids and probably is why I have been easy on them. Now add in some guilt for divorce and failing to have a perfect family, adds to that...if I am truthful. But we do make sure consequences back up what we say. For now: I will let the guilt of letting me down sink in. I cannot expect them to labor laboriously (though for me it is a simple task), the first time they are asked. At least it is a start.
cutting screen time or cell phone access often motivates. If already cut, then tell them they have to earn screen time. how are their grades?
Holy smoke, that's a story there! I'm sure that kind of thing was not uncommon back in your grandfather's time. I know my father tells of some pretty serious punishments when he was a kid too. Today if someone broke their kids ribs they'd certainly go to prison for abuse. Different times.
When I was a kid I quickly caught on to the idea of not complaining when Dad asked/told me to do something and then things evolved to the point where I was supposed 'to know' that whatever should be done...times were very different then.
My daughter needs more paying chores but I am mean. Currently using a cane waiting on a hip replacement. Bottom line, if you want to be warm, house is 75, you help with wood. Otherwise, if oil does it thermostats are set to 45. She helps.
I feel that chores are a good thing for children. After all, they must learn to work and they must be taught. It is the same with discipline; that is something that must (not has to, but must) be taught. I feel this is one of the biggest problems with people today especially with their lack of respect for police and any authority. They never learned discipline and never taught respect. They sort of go hand in hand. Yes, there is a huge difference between discipline and abuse. One needs to know; its actually common sense, but today it is not so common.
Man...I need to adopt that for my roomate. My grown roomate is much worse than a child. Big mistake having him move in once I bought my house. Thought at first I was afraid of the mortgage payment as I'd never had one before. Well, I could certainly be just fine without his little bit of rent. But man...the dude has offered no help in any way for all the wood I burn. Yet he sure likes to use it. pizzes me off. But I've known the guy for like 15 years. What I learned...NEVER have a roommate if you can afford not to. Never again.
A good general philosophy toward raising kids that I try to keep in mind came from someone older and wiser than me. It goes, "you are not just trying to "raise good kids", you are trying to raise future participating and productive members of society!"
My two youngest, daughter age 11 and son age 13, have learned over the past few years from the following: "You have chores to do. You can either do them willingly or unwillingly, but by God it's gonna be a lot easier on you if it's willingly." Actually, my daughter is still a whiner most of the time, but the boy has figured out that hard work = some kind of reward (even if it means we do a fixed amount of work and quit early). I'm one of those guys that starts off slow but will keep going until I either can't see or can't move. The kids don't care for that much - it could be a 12-hour day in the summertime. My oldest children are out of the house now, on their own, but they were not much different. My oldest daughter will only do what serves her own interests, but the boys are a lot better as adults then they were as kids.
You sir suck! Cannot I have at least some hope? (Teasing of course my friend)! It is bad enough that I have 4 daughters. People have asked me, "Oh you must have wanted a boy so bad", to which I have said, "Oh, when they are teenagers, the boys will come...in droves!".
