Jennifer, a manager at Walmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" The first man replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning." "That's very good!" replied Jennifer. "And, now you sir," she asked the second man. "Hmmm... let me see... A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." Excellent!" said Jennifer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed." She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man "It's hard to beat the speed of light," she said. Turning to Ernest, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Ernest replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT?" said Jennifer, stunned by the response. "Oh sure," said Ernest. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already chit my pants." Ernest is the new greeter at the Walmart near you! You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
I was in Walmart the other day at about 2 in the afternoon, so when a woman in pajamas approached the line I was in, I let her go first. The cashier later said that it was a kind act to let the woman go first, but as I told her; "seeing as how she was in such a hurry to get to bed, I figured I had better let her go first." There are quips in life you can say that are not really mean, but get your point across.
I was always told, the SHARPEST thing in the world is a fart. That is because it cuts through your underwear (assuming you are a person that wears them), and your pants without leaving a hole.
