You have to do what feels right. I hate regrets. Esp. those that are easily avoided. Most of my friends have been cremated so the only thing to see is the little box and the family and friends. When my parents passed, we held onto the ashes and had two events. One where we tossed some of the mixed ashes into the air high up on a mountain side with a view of the ocean. The other was a traditional grave side service were both boxes were committed at the same time. Seem to be a fitting end for the remains of a life's journey. Those who came got closure.
The man was dying and he was in his sick bed; he woke one day to find them kissing in the room. They convinced him it was just a hallucination from the drugs he was taking. Even called me to come and talk with him about it. I figured it was just the drugs because he had an hallucination in hospital about doctors and nurses leaping over his bed. I found out later it was all true; not the doctors and nurses but the affair. Dam, to do it in front of him while he is dying is even worst. The man was like a second father to me; great guy, did anything he could to help people. His wife was a different story. I don't know if in the end she did anything to hasten his departure or not; he was dying from mesothelioma.
That is so $$#@$ng wrong ...... I don't know how someone could be so openly disrespectful and heartless.
Butcher, Yooperdave put it best! Let me start here and "I am not asking or wanting" sympathy before I state this. I have buried both parents, My Mother at 13 years old, My Father at 30. My Father in-law and Mother in-law, My next to oldest brother, "Vietnam Vet", four of my close friends, two of them brothers, My God Father and "several" members of the U.S. Military I served with over the last 26 years. "I feel your pain"! I attend out of respect for those who have died, "NOT" for anyone else! Funerals are for the living, not the dead. They are like weddings, you can go completely extravagant or the cheap way but in the end, your still married! A funeral, "your still dead"! So, I say to you, remember that person how ever you choose. There is no right or wrong way and if you have a prayer or can say something nice/good about that individual, "that's all that matters"!
Boy Mr. Butcher, you do pull a thread, as it were. It's very interesting. I can empathize with the struggle to draw the line. But I suggest you keep giving though. Few hurt worse than those in mourning and are comforted so easily by a sign of respect and condolence from even a past acquaintance. It's a good thing you do. It's a gift received warmly and remembered thoughtfully. Respectfully Submitted, N. Henderson
