Ever have one of those days that went well but by the end you are ready to move?

Today I had a pretty good day. My youngest daughter plays softball for one of my league's teams. Her first game was at 8am. Last night it rained, but we did not get a text saying the game was cancelled. We got up early and off we went. Last year I coached her team. Now one of my assistant coaches from last season took over this team. I get to just watch for a change.

Long story short, the field was way too wet for us to play either game. Both her 8am and 9:30 games were canceled. We headed home, and I decided to stop by the local appliance store to pay the cost of the extended warranty. We are replacing a broken oven and refrigerator. Instead of the highway, I went down rte 1. It's full of lights, but a nice ride on a beautiful fall like day.

When I got home, I took a brief nap. After the nap, I went took Piper on a 4 mile walk. It felt great. The temps were just right, and I really enjoyed the long walk.

It's when we got back that things went sideways. One of the girls on my team sister plays for our 16U team. They have asked for her to fill in when they are short. Another long story short, I was not comfortable with her missing our games in favor of the other teams games. The other coach suggested to me that she didn't like playing for me. Not in those exact words mind you, but the message was clear as day. Yes we are in the same league, but my team is getting ready for a tournament. After being the bad guy, I finally agreed that she'd play one for me and the second game for the other team.

Needless to say, this kind of drama is the crap I just can't stand. As the president of the league, I try to make sure that all teams are able to play week to week. However; today I personally felt like you signed up for my team, you should play for me. Now I sit here at 12:58 unable to fall asleep as it's still bothering me.

On top of the fact, that my daughter is not happy with me coaching her this year. She's on the high school JV Volleyball team as a freshmen, and she's starting to change rapidly. I've already gotten the feeling it's time for me to step aside from coaching her. Most likely next year, she'll be on a different team that I don't coach.

Screw drama. It made me want to just pack up and say screw it. Leave a note on my front door saying if you don't know where we went to, then I didn't feel the need to tell you. Between us, I've always coveted living in either rural New Hampshire or Maine. Something backwoods where I don't need to put up with the bullchit of people.

Sorry for the rant. I am hoping it helps me be at ease so I might be able to get some shuteye.


Jason from RI

 

Having coached 17-18 years in Minor Hockey (never had a kid involved) I think the answer is stop coaching your daughter.

If it's hurting your relationship with your daughter, I would stop coaching her.

Being league president gets you enough chit from parents, sit back and enjoy watching your daughter.

It's been my experience that some parents don't appreciate you being president of the league or realize the amount of time you put in coaching, thanks for volunteering.

 

You've got yourself way TOO IMERSED into the whole thing. Step back, take a deep breath and relax alittle. You have already described two examples of how your intensity is impacting the intended participants...................just sayin'

 

No it's not my intensity. I'm a calm level headed positive coach. My daughter is a teen now, and coming into her own.

However; it's duly noted that I should step back after this season.

 

I think all us guys have been there at one time or two. Me, I like to go out into the wood and just pull up a stump and think. It does me good in a weird way.

The biggest thing is not to give in to temptation. Responsibility sucks, but it also is a very good thing and we reap rewards for it later. That is just how it works, when you do the right thing, our rewards wait, but when we give in to irresponsible things, we reap the fun first, then pay for that for the rest of our lives.

I know how you feel and a long time ago decided I would go work for the railroad. It was an interesting job, global in nature and required 12 weeks on duty and 2 weeks off. It was fun, but an old duffer there asked me, "So what are you running from, everyone that comes here is running from something?" It was true. My wife and I at the time had a great marriage, but 9 years later we were divorced. It is easy to blame her unfaithfulness, but honestly I was just as much to blame. You cannot spend 45 weeks out of the year away from your wife and expect a decent marriage to last...any marriage to last. I have recovered, but it was a lot of hurt and tracable to just wanting "out" for awhile. And we did not have children; I shudder to think if we had them!

Take my advice or leave it; I can relate to your situation, but obviously do not know every detail. I know Christians often say "I will pray for you", but may not mean to, but trust me on this, in the coming weeks I will really pray for you. I would truly love to head you down the road where a deep sense of contentment lies and not short sighted frustration that you later regret.

PM me any time. I truly do care.

 

Note: In the above post 12 weeks on duty and 2 weeks off, does not equate to 45 weeks on duty. The thing is I had progressed from welder up to Safety Coordinator and thus often could not leave work as I was supposed to. In 2004 I was home 3 times that year, a 3 week vacation, and (2) w week vacations. We divorced in 2005.

 

I believe you misinterpreted my meaning of intensity. It was not directed at your personality, but was used to describe how deeply you have buried yourself into the softball thing. That being said, the issue of your daughter "coming of age" is also a factor. All I'm saying is "take some time to relax and smell the roses". Good Luck.................

 

I think you already have the answer you know is right, in stepping away from coaching and just being a support for your daughter. My suggestion would be if you haven't already shared that thought with your daughter, do so. Make it clear to her that you are stepping back at the end of the season but you would appreciate her best and respect for the remainder of this season. She will likely draw closer to you next year when she is being coached by someone else and she comes to you for advise as you watch from the sidelines.

 

At the age of 14 with 15 around the corner I've been thinking I've taught her as much as I can at this point. Now it's more about finding your grit and digging deep. I believe this would be better suited for another coach to try and pull out her best performances. As for my interaction and participation in softball with her, it will only change that I am not coaching. I'll be the one to drive her, and sitting watching practice. Last year I did this, and that team ended up asking me to help coach.

As for coaching, I could go back to coaching my 10 year old. She's expressed to me that she'd like me to come back to coaching her.

 

Yes I did misunderstand your meaning.

 

A distant friend coaches college girls b-ball. Big college.
You can't believe the stories about the drama queens he coaches!
Wish you could talk to him...

 

I know exactly what you are dealing with. We started softball when she was 6. 2 years ago after coaching her for 7 years it all came to a head, very rough season to say the least. When she would barely speak to me and when she did it was in tears I made the decision to stop being involved. We get along much better and she is a whole new kid. We can enjoy it all, win or lose. She made a huge decision to change teams last year and we supported her choice knowing it was the right move. She always had the talent but this season she used it 110%. I've enjoyed the time coaching and being on the little league board and doing the work but it was time to step aside. She is a sophomore now, her 2nd year playing varsity soccer and, in spring, softball. She amazes me how far she has come over the years and how much she continues to grow. There comes a time to step back and just support them, no matter what. It's actually enjoyable to do so. I sit down with my iPad and do game changer and all the girls love it, it's all about stats. Best of luck to you, I truly hope you can agree to be dad and daughter and have fun at all costs.

 

Locust - spot on. I spoke to my daughter on the way to her games on Sunday. I was simply honest with her, and told that if this keeps up, it will be my last year to coach her. Keep in mind, my daughter would never say things like this to another coach. Just me. After I was done, I think she knew where I was coming from. We'll see how this plays out over the winter and spring/summer of next year. I'd never quit on a team just after we got started.

As for the shortstop that was going to play for the 16U instead of our team, I've come to a conclusion with regards to that. While I compromised for this past weekends games, that cannot happen going forward. When you signup for a team, you are expected to be there. Within reason. Another softball game is not within reason, unless it's middle school or high school softball. Anyhow, we played the first game with her on Sunday and she made 5 errors. 1 throwing and 4 fielding errors. This is pretty common week to week from her. It's like I am only getting 50% out of her. At the end of the first game she left to go play with the 16U team. I put another player at short that is a good all around player, and she performed much better. If the parent decides to take his daughter to the 16U team, my team now knows that we'll be just fine without her. In fact, several of the players were mad that she chose to play on another team instead of our team.

I have 12 players. 6 of them have played with me on and off since 10U. The shortstop and my own daughter are the only 2 that are upsetting the apple cart for me. My daughter is not impacting the team. Where the shortstop is impacting the team, and the girls have noted that she chose the other team over them.

While I was bothered in the moment on Saturday which stayed with me until Sunday's games, I was good with my situation by the start of game 2. I am sure many of you read this and simply said it's a lot to do about nothing. Which I see now. However; when you have 12 players that are counting on you to field a team, it impacts me. Currently I have 1 out due to a concussion. On Sunday, one other player was out due to Wound Warriors event that she has been working with. When the shortstop left after game 1, I was left with 9 players. Should another player go down, we are at 8 players and taking an out every time the 9th batter comes up.

After spring/summer I have 4 players that will move up to 16U. My daughter and three others. We'd be looking to fill in 8 spots to complete a team. Last year, I was not able to pull together enough players to form a team. As a result, my daughter played for another league's travel/tournament team. I went into that season not intending to coach her. Just my younger daughter's 10U team. However; midway through they asked me to help them coach on the field. With only 4 players going up, I will most likely be in the same position. They will need to play for another league. The difference will be that I will not coach that team. Instead my 10U daughter is asking me to coach her again. Yes I am a gluten for punishment.

 

I didn't coach my kids, but they all worked for me. I know it added a level of stress/drama especially with my daughter.

The teenage years with my daughter was um....challenging to say the least. I ended up asking her to find a different job to try to save both of our sanities.

 

Only you knows what's best for you. Hats off to you for taking on the task...........................