Heart wrenching day

OK guys this will be a long post as I just got home... 61 degrees in house and getting IS and me warmed up.

Background... I am officer in local Lions Club, which just as an FYI Lions a non profit organization that runs fundraisers and 100% goes back to people in need. All funds to run club is donated by members dues etc. Abridged version 60 plus years ago Helen Keller asked Lions to champion sight and hearing which they have done.

I live in an affluent small town, not even a red light. Not an overwhelming amount of need I have been here 12 years. Town school of pre-K thru 8 of 800 kids. Basically I'm writing this to share and seek insight of making sure my 10 year old learns the right valuable life lessons.

Short version, got a call that a local church that a local family was in need.. Dad had just left. Mother is deaf and has a 10 year old girl and 3 year old son. In short order figured out the daughter I had met as she is in my daughters grade. Took afternoon off went down to assess situation. Thankfully wife's short day at work so I had her help.

Apparently, this proud woman had been struggling for at least 3 months. When he left he took only vehicle left the bills and the kids. Our town do sent have buses or even taxis I know of She is deaf and like most deaf from birth mostly mute also.
So in first few hours I get heating oil in house, 25 gallons, heat turned on. Propane for Cooking, Wife to Walmart for groceries and I called local food shelf that the club donates a couple thousand dollars a year to and said look we need help. They opened they're doors and filled my trunk. So food, heat, water covered today.

This is not a we need money thing as the few hundred dollars my family spent will be reimbursed by the club. It's a frustration and lack of awareness thing.

She is on disability and gets state assistance but has no car.. as she has communication challenges and the powers that be cannot seem to get her an appointment a ride and a translator all at same time. How stupid can people be!! Her 10 year old signs. I called a couple of agencies and was like Look! make an appointment between 330 and 400 I will pick her up at her house, her daughter the translator at school at 3, and be there for appointment. Most of these people are good hearted and care and did so. But could not figure this out for months COME ON

So basically today did 72 hour needs and figure out harder stuff this week. including 3 months of back garbage pickup. She is in tears as she explains on IPAD I try to call them but they do not have basically text type telephones, and a new washing machine because that broke too of course and repair man doesn't text.. So imagine 3 months of garbage out back and 2 weeks dirty laundry living room.

So I said all that to say this, my daughter saw good half of this, bringing in groceries etc., the hugs and thank-yous. We discussed the privacy part for their dignity. This increased her awareness of the less fortunate in our midst. All of which are good things. Now she wants to help to (very proud of that) but the balance part of it... Example, daddy if I only go horse back riding every other week can my class mate go on the weeks I miss. I am a big tough guy but had to go get some firewood and wipe a few tears.

So I got a few more days of aggravation as we get her to sustainability and give positive updates in future. But hints on best way to give right life lessons to my daughter would be great thanks..

 

You did good. Proud to know you.

 

First off, you are the man!

I think you are giving your daughter the absolute best life lesson : first hand witness and she is clearly empathetic.

Teach by doing, humility isn't something that words convey properly.

 

Well thank you.. I guess want to balance it. Meaning I want her to not give up her horse lessons it's sweet but that activity is only thing she cares about and she works hard to earn.. with her report card. I guess I will go get food and sleep as dealing with government Beaurocrats takes all patience I can muster

 

Tough situation, as other have posted out kids learn more from our actions than our words. Keep setting a good example.

I don't know if this is what you are asking about but I'll through this out for all parents to think about.

Something that may help is teaching her the 80/10/10 or 70/10/10/10 or some variation of it where you live on 70-80% of what you make you give away 10% and save 10% for retirement, the last 10% is a rainy day fund. Start her now by assigned chores at home such as cleaning her room, helping mom inside home and dad outside. If she does this with cheerful attitude she gets $5-10 week. Some people caution against give too large of allowance as these chores are something children should help with anyways and it can create an entitlement mentality, every week she gets her allowance and she learns to work for it then gives 10% away to charity of her choice the 70% she keeps is for her to buy things she wants or needs some families chose to increase the amount as child get older until by 14-16 they are paying for all there clothes, hair products, sports, extra circular activities and entertainment with parental guidance. If a child wants to do more than there funds will allow (we all face this as adults) they can volunteer at nonprofit or ask to do more chores (overtime). So they learn how to be responsible adult who can provide for themself, heathy saving and spending habits as well as how to help others. The rainy day fund and retirement of 10% is one of the best things a child can learn it sets them up to avoid many unexpected expenses of life such as blown tire, dead car battery, family emergency, unexpected medical bill etc....

 

I understand the question you are asking. Maybe you could try explaining to her that instead of her giving up the riding for the other girl they could find something to do together. She could probably us a friend more than the riding.

It is a big role that you are taking to help this family. I commend you but also commend the mother. I always say you can't help those that won't help themselves. Sounds to me like she was doing everything in her powers to do right.

You could also use it as a way to teach your daughter to be proud of what she has but humbled by it as well. If that makes sense.

Kids learn more from actions than words in my opinion.

 

May good Karma come your way, Sir. Your daughter will learn greatly from this situation and how you have handled it. Is their any type of community based transportation service in your area. I drive folks in similar situations on a regular basis, here. The request for service we have here has increased 211% in the last 16 months. To say it is needed is a understatement.

 

What you did and are doing is a great thing!!! I am sure your daughter will long remember the kindness and good will her father and mother showed to strangers. This is what this old world needs more of my friend. I commend you Sir, you are a good man.

 

This is really a moving story. Excellent work in helping this family out. The daughter probably has a lot more responsibility on her shoulders to assist her mom.

Is there any sort of advocate or case manager through the state that can arrange transportation or other needs? With emails and texting, I can't see why this isn't possible.

As far as you daughter goes, when kids see that they can help someone or a cause, they will set their minds to it. Involving her classmate in other activities sounds like good advice.

My daughters friend adopted a cat from the local humane society. Her friend told her of the other cats and need for volunteers to help at the shelter. They went and arranged a yard sale and donated all their proceeds to the shelter. They even went as far as putting a sign up and received a few donations.

Keep up the good work and keep us posted.

 

Canadian Border,
Remember, more is caught than taught. Your actions will teach your daughter more than you can ever imagine.
Marty

 

Did not read all the replies so if I repeat any sentiment, sorry.
Well done.
Be very proud of your daughter! She grew up a lot in one afternoon.

 

You are right! The mother is doing everything right! This town rural setting, interstate exit, 30 minutes to airport and real city, a bedroom community. others suggested she move to city for public transport, translators etc. Emphatic NO. those school such my kids go to great school with high school choice!

HOw do you not help a woman (a real mother ) who makes her life harder so her kids lives will be better

 

It was the advocate that called me.... stuff is available out there and we are pulling it together. Most case workers seem to get a little numb. Well she has to have an appointment she missed her appointment did you tell her that? "of course I spend half my day on phone" Great how much on text or email.. she's deaf ... the light goes on then we sort things out

 

Hoarders, thanks for kudos, after being on phone with state figured part of problem is state pays translators 75 dollars hour and in budget cuts not enough money to have them everywhere.

Thinking of idea for my daughter... If she learns sign language, to help us help others, I will pay for both girls horse back riding lessons
Win - Win.. give mine a talent, gives other girl a break to be a kid.. Teaches the right lessons. I just hope it takes her a few months so I can figure out how to pay for it.... Do what's right then figure rest out

little rant... non profit organizations that pay people more money than I make then complain about budgets
Anybody want to guess what CEO, of Red Cross makes... nothing against them but it's a charity. Why I'm a Lion, I pay to help people.

 

That sounds like a hell of a plan! I'd bet a FREE start would be on youtube.

 

That father sounds like a royal scumbag. How could you leave your family behind like that? Seems he's left his young daughter with quite the burden, having to care for her mother as essentially her only communication link. Thank the Lord, there are still a few people out there like yourself to help balance things back out. I'm proud to consider you guys my firewood friends. Great job!

 

Well taking time to process and start thread then reading great responses.. helped me think of it so Thanks to the FHC, cause by myself great plans are hard to come up with

 

That's a heck of a situation there , you da man for stepping up buddy