Rant warning. I apologize in advance. I'm single again. My GF told me last night that she isn't happy living here with me. She had never moved out of her home town for 39 years before moving to the big city of Indy about 100 miles from her hometown. According to her, the stress of a new job with a 20% pay cut, the move itself, and not being around any of her friends and family is just too much. According to her, it's not about our relationship itself...just the living arrangements and being stressed out from the above. She has always lived alone. No kids, no pets, nothing. A loner. She used to (when she lived alone) work out, go places, do things with friends, and be very outgoing. Not anymore. The working out DEFINETLY made her a happier person and she admits it. Now she says she just wants to be alone for the rest of her life. Boy do I know how to pick 'em. She's not the type to talk about things like this. She bottles them up, waits until it's too late, and walks away. That's how everyone deals with things, right? Who thinks that is normal? I sure don't. I could tell she wasn't happy but she wouldn't talk about it. So rather than push too much, I left it alone. In 9 months of living here, she went to visit a friend once and a family member once. Other than that, it was facebook and the couch for entertainment. No working out, no effort to meet new friends here, and she didn't want to go out for anything. How in the h3ll can anyone expect to live that way and be happy? How do you know you are not happy for 9 months, but yet do nothing to rectify the situation? No talking about it, no changes, nothing. Her family has a history of depression and I think she may be developing a hint of it. She has definitely developed anxiety and admits it. She is going to stay here (Indy-not my home) because of her job, but I am guessing she ends up back in her hometown when her lease is up and/or she gets a job lined up back there. So, here I sit, wondering what to do. Truth be told, I don't handle splitting up very well. My mind goes ape chit. I am my own worst enemy. My last break up took me 4 years to get over before dating again and I didn't even live with her! I'm not capable of pushing it out of my head and just going on like nothing is wrong. I didn't sleep last night. At all. None. I have to go home to a house with her in it, and watch her pack. I'm sure she will have ?'s about the apartments in the area. You think I want to talk about that with her? Should I help her move or be a complete azz and make her brothers drive over 100 miles 1 way to come do it? So yea....that's what's going on in my life. / Rant
That sucks man, but it is awful hard to help those who don't want to be helped. Be a gentleman about it and help her get on her way.
I'm pretty sure her brother would be on the way if it were me. Lukem...you're a good man, I don't think I could pack up her stuff and help her move. I would actually most likely disappear for a couple of days to avoid any conflict!! Remember Bocefus...The fun is in the hunt, get out there and find a little strange!
Man bocefus, really sorry to hear about this. Can't tell you how to act, but if it were me, I think I'd make myself scarce........after securing anything valuable. Do you have any thoughts of allowing things to mend and maybe get back with her on a long distance deal? Once bitten, twice shy, but ya' gotta' live life.
If I were in your situation no doubt I would feel the same way and have the same thoughts! Sorry this is happening. Living with an unhappy person sounds like a tough deal as well....
I don't think there is any one right answer. Just be civil. And ask God for peace tonight Head out and CSS some wood to clear your mind...We are here if you need us... (And cya)
Bocefus, sorry to hear of your misfortune. I have always been a strong believer of things happening for a reason. We may not agree with it or understand it @ the time, but eventually it all floats to the top. Keep busy and keep your mind occupied with something else. Good luck and remember you have friends here............................................
Sorry to hear buddy. Only advice i can really give ya has been said above "keep busy". Don't go home and watch her pack and listen to her reasons for being unhappy. It will only bring you down even more. Do whatever you can to keep your mind occupied with something else. Of course it's not going to go away right now but at least you wont be focused soley on the situation. DO NOT i repeat DO NOT sit at home and watch sad movies and eat ice cream on the couch!
So sorry to hear about this bocefus. However, when one has living conditions where no commitments are made, it is very easy for this to happen. Also by your comments, you do not need a girlfriend; you need a wife. Yes, they can be hard to find, at least the right one, but they can indeed be found. And believe me when I say when you find one, you will know it and so will she. It sort of brings back memories of my wife and I. We were young and foolish yes, but at the same time we both knew without a doubt we wanted to spend the rest of our life together with each other. In fact, we pretty much planned our life together BEFORE we got married. Naturally there have been a few adjustments in plans but very few. Basically what I am saying is that it can work but you had better be in love; both of you. In our case, we are 3 weeks away from being married 53 years....and not sorry for it either.
bocefus, I have been in your shoes live in are hard. I also understand had 4 while waiting for my wife to date me. Question 1 were there kids? if so make sure kids do not feel it is their fault. If she has depression anxiety issues make sure you have a friend there for a moral support and in case she gets unreasonable.. the reason this bothers you imo, is you are a loyal and try to think of what happened what you could do better etc.. my suggestion is give yourself some time and then do a speed dating thing. 25 guys 25 woman 3 minutes to meet. if nothing else you will learn about you. but I agree with backwoods if it takes you 4 years to get over a girl and get back to dating you need to find a longterm relationship like decades long term marriage. They are out there... as for helping or hiding out you can either take high road and help IF and only IF you can do it and be ok.. or leave and say I really care about you and helping you move out of my life is too painful.. goodluck!
Ugggg....venting is good. Get it out of your system so you can focus on what is good. If it's anything like my divorce each day you have to just keep focus on moving forward. One day it will be measured in inches, the next day in feet. Good luck man...this stuff can really drain you so take of yourself.
That sucks if u what to vent just let me know I just went through a divorce.she cheated.also a good guy to talk to is schlot he helped me a lot he's a hell of a guy.
Sorry to hear that, brother. CYA yourself first and foremost. I'd be as much of a gentleman as the situation allows to get the situation over with as soon as possible to allow the healing to start. The main thing is stay true to yourself....good luck to you and I'll say a prayer for you tonight. God Bless, brother.
That really sucks. But, your little 4 legged buddy will be there for you regardless. Keep busy, it'll pass. It will also get better. Been there done that.
Sorry to hear about your situation, I went through a divorce 7 years ago. It is never easy to see your life change but time heals all wounds. If you are ever in the north part of the state, give me a holler, we can grab a cold one and try to solve the worlds problems.
Bo, sorry to hear this man. I have been through a divorce and also led a divorce recovery ministry and can tell you emotional pain is far worse at times than physical pain so I feel for you buddy. You will do no good by being mean and nasty as hard as that may be, just open the cage door and let her go as easy as you can then focus on healing. This unfortunatly is the bad part of co habitating, not to preach a sermon but that is the reason for entering into a marriage covenent with God at the center. I know that the divorce rate in the church is about the same as out of church but what does not get told much is the divorce rate between a man and a women with God in the center is almost nill. I'll be praying for your healing.
