A bit of humor!

A blonde's house is robbed, so she calls the police and asks them to send a patrol car. The patrol car arrives and an officer gets out of the car with his German Shepard. "Just my luck, she says. My house gets robbed and they send me a blind policeman!".

 

Oh, the pursuit of the American Dream.

Big Trucks, Big Dreams, Freedom, and Everclear soaked watermelons.

 

I was in a bar around closing time one night. Looking around I noticed an older woman looking back. I slid over and started talking to her. She asked if I'd be into a little mother daughter action to which I promptly replied yes. We went back to her place she sat me down on the couch and said we'll be right out. She started down the hallway yelling MOM, MOM are you still up I got one. Did not stick around to see mom.

 

... wow... that's funny right there...

 

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."

He replied,"Well, I'm in the bar next door to it."

 

Sorry in advance folks. I just had to post it. Just don't click play if there are young kids in the room. Enjoy.

 

Politically correct ww. Friggen cant get this song outta my little mind.

 

The slow down at the end is always a hoot.

 

Pick out a dog at an animal shelter and everything is a-okay!


Pick out a girlfriend at a woman's shelter and everyone loses their mind.

 

might just as well usesee avatar my 2 girl friends, eh? real dogs

 

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo --
"Defrost the f'n chicken!"

 

Great story, just an FYI The chicken gun.
Actually when I was with Grumman, we used to do this testing and it had to be a freshly killed chicken. Animal rights found out and proceeded to protest, imagine that.

 

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.