Be it because transportation was an issue, because the wood ended up being terrible, because your equipment got demolished or because the task at hand to get the wood was just downright unpleasant.... Since Halloween is coming soon I wanna hear some horror-themed wood gathering stories. Here is my own little horror story with Arizona Cypress. My dad bought a house in the early 80s when, in Spain, Arizona cypress was all the rage for a quick landscaping solution. Acting as a living fence, partly because how easily the adapted to the climate and also because they were dirt cheap, the small bushes grew into trees (I was born a few years later) and every year since I remember one of the most hellish chores that my brothers and I had was trimming all those trees (now about three meters tall) so that they'd stay in shape across the fence; otherwise they'd grow into a tree and become unwieldable. After many years, when I was in my twenties, my father finally decided that he had had enough of those trees and decided to put up a stone wall so it was time to cut them all down (uprooting them as that space had to be clear for the wall); we are talking aproximately 50 extremely resinous trees that had to be removedd with just pickaxes, shovels, axes and bowsaws. Removing all the branches was as nasty as you could get (enough dust and pollen to chocke a chicken). We followed the limbing by uprooting every single tree - now just branchless trunks of 1o inches aprox - always with the same process: dig around the trunk, try to cut the bigger roots with the pickaxe and then wiggle and pull from the trunk until it popped. - repeat that 50 times -. Finally after we got all of those out, my dad figured that we'd burn the branches in a firepit - terrible idea, as there was a lot of smoke - and that we'd process all those tree trunks and use them in the fireplace... now I don't know if any of you have had the pleasure of dealing with Arizona Cypress but it is, by far, the worst wood that you could ever use: It is beyond resinous which means that gloves, saws, and anything that you use to process them will be beyond sticky. Even if you let it season for a year they are still sticky and resinous. When you burn them they leave no coals, their heat output is terrible and you can guarantee plenty of creosote. I was glad to get rid of the last piece of wood of those trees. Only once did I relapse because a bunch of trunks had been dumped incorrectly - figured I'd do everyone a favor and just cut them - and I was quickly reminded why never EVER want to touch that again. Nowadays Arizona Cypress has been officially labelled an invasive species and there is even incentives to get rid of them so, on occassion I see trunks dumped near the garbage bin and even a hoarder such as myself steers away from free wood if it is Arizona Cypress.
I am weird and plan on staying this way. But even after working in the woods, both logging and sawmill plus when I was a boy, all we had for heat was wood. I am now 84 and trying to remember some horror stories, I can't remember even one. Oh there were some horrors we heard of but we were lucky. If you ever feel the need to plant more of that cypress, I'm sure someone on this forum can help.
I can relate to your conifer horror story with one of my own. This goes back to February 2021 when I got my first ChipDrop score. For those who don't know, ChipDrop is a free service here in the US where you can sign up to receive logs and/or wood chips from arborists that are looking to get rid of them without paying dumping fees. It's kind of a symbiotic relationship. Anyway, I put in a request for some logs. As luck would have it, I was contacted within a few days. The next thing I know, a dump truck had dropped two loads off at my house... all white pine, in every length but the right one. Living in an area with no shortage of hardwood forests, it wasn't ideal. As I started cutting it up and splitting it, I found out the hard way that it was a yard tree. There were all sorts of metal remnants in it: hooks, wires, various hardware, etc. I completely wrecked a couple chains getting through it all. I STILL have about half of this wood left in a holzhausen. If the weather gets cold enough this winter and I can commit to burning the remainder of this "score" in earnest, I can finally be rid of this nightmare almost 6 years later As a quick aside Heptameron, I am thoroughly impressed by your command of English by the way. I realize that the language is very prevalent in western Europe, but you can clearly use it better than many native speakers here in the US It's quite a feat. I've dabbled in a couple different languages in my adulthood but can't articulate at your level in either of them yet.
These both are true horrors and we all can commiserate on broken equipment, getting stuck and FBmarket place shenanigans, but in my bones I know cutting wood is like fishing- “even a bad day fishing beats a great day at work”. “ The only time the world makes sense is when I am cutting firewood…..”
My only issue is waste. When I bought my home and there was a log behind the garage the bottom 12 feet of old ash tree, Laying down it was over 4 feet high. I only had one saw 50 cc Stihl; when spring started I would go out after work and dinner with my 16” bar 50 cc saw and cut this log like a pie. Cut for an hour and then 1/2 hour sharpening chain and cleaning saw “noodleling” is hard on small saws. After a week; I was 1/2 way through the length and hadn’t touched bottom third of log. Only positive thing I could say was splitting was not needed. Family comes up that weekend and one of my cousins that does landscaping I show him “the log” “You are such a city kid” yeah I grew up on 1/4 acre lot. How many hours ya got on this so far? I think 15 ish (10 cutting 5 sharpening cleaning) Cousin looks at me and smirks “ you do have another heat source for winter, right?” Yes I do maybe had a half cord. Good news it was mostly split He tells me leave this job until next week Friday and clean branches out of fields and push branches brush back so he can see property lines. I do what he says and pile the brush it’s about the size of car port, Friday at 3 o’clock the company pickup and trailer come up drive.. 4 guys 2 trucks. He starts handing out jobs.. you mow double cut then trim, You pull weeds mulch flower beds clean em up.. You grab splitter… he grabs Stihl 660 w 28 inch bar Walks down 1 side of log comes back other side. All cuts line up on his cuts (unlike mine) he puts saw down and looks log over; walks to trailer grabs 3 steel bars we roll log 1/2 turn (yeah I did something.) Fills gas and oil on saw and cuts Wash round off log at most 45 minutes.. Guy 1 is weeding and mulching, guy 2 on zero turn, guy 3 is splitting rounds into chunks. Brings saw over to tailgate he hand me a beer. Step 1 get right person to show ya how jobs supposed to be done. Step 2 get better tools make job easier ok is that it? I ask No dummy at end of week, he walk over to brush pile with oil soaked rags tuck them underneath and lights it, light a fire and have a drink
Your story reminds me of the Eastern white pines around here. Sticky, messy trees. Years back I was hired to clean up a huge limb that broke off at a "Y". I had Ms. buZZsaw's teenaged son help me at the time as we had to drag it to the truck to haul away. Knowing what a sticky messy it was going to be I warned him about it. Poor kid got it all over him. Softwoods aren't commonly used for firewood around here as there is an abundance of quality hardwoods.
Whenever I hear “Stihl 660” I recall a mentor saying “ there is no replacement for displacement.” While that is true, saw on YouTube yesterday mid 2027 I think there will be an all electric 660 with two batteries. Great stories from all.
That is indeed a horror story! Soft wood and riddled with metal! No wonder it has been haunting you for 6 years! Appreciate your story and appreciate you noticing my language skills. My parents were both English teachers and I was lucky enough to spend one year in Ireland by myself when I was 12 -which is when I started speaking it fluently-. My writing, however, took a bit longer. It wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I started reading A LOT of books and completely fell in love with the versatility of the language. (Catch-22 by Joseph Heller completely changed the way I saw literature) Those native speakers that you are referring to wouldn't be the kind that inserts the word "like" between every two words, right? I try to avoid the city center because it is super croweded and filled with tourist, but on the rare occassion when I can't avoid it, I swear that every.single.group. of young americans that I encounter is "like totally amazingly like abusing the word like" ("literally" is in a distant second place but also quite overused).
Step 2 reminds of something that my grandfather always said (he was an old-school farmer) "For any job ALWAYs use the best tool at your disposal". That said, with regards to Step 1, it is absolutely true but I wouldn't change any of my failures stemming from a completely lack of knowledge for anything in the world ( Most of the times I can reminesce about them and laugh at my complete lack incompetence at the time)
I'm not a fan of softwood myself, but softwood AND sticky: Never again. If I make that mistake again - which could happen if I see that it is free or if it has been incorrectly disposed by one of the neighbors - I will make a pointy "Dunce" hat and put it on until I have processed and burnt all that wood.
Had to dither on 'liking' your post. How could I in good conscience 'like' something so nasty as that? Hope you get some good heat out of the deal.
The firewood itself isn’t/wasn’t bad. It’s played a role in keeping my house warm, and it’s helped boil a decent amount of maple sap at my and my uncle’s house. I’m at the point now where I need to reclaim the space that it’s taking up, hence the resolve to get rid of it this winter.
