In loving memory of Kenis D. Keathley 6/4/81 - 3/27/22 Loving father, husband, brother, friend and firewood hoarder Rest in peace, Dexterday

Your best dad jokes...

Discussion in 'Everything Else (off topic)' started by brenndatomu, Nov 18, 2023.

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  1. yooperdave

    yooperdave

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    [​IMG]
     
    yooperdave, Dec 19, 2023
    #141 Top
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  2. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    :rofl: :lol:
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 19, 2023
    #142 Top
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  3. Hammerhead20

    Hammerhead20

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    412318452_424635286887176_5338087409051870120_n.jpg
     
    Hammerhead20, Dec 19, 2023
    #143 Top
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  4. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    -Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

    -If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled?

    -Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
     
    brenndatomu, Dec 19, 2023
    #144 Top
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  5. Hammerhead20

    Hammerhead20

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    412377600_910391243783565_1045242185117489197_n.jpg
     
    Hammerhead20, Dec 20, 2023
    #145 Top
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  6. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Why didnt Frosty get married?...

    ...he had cold feet!

    BO
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 21, 2023
    #146 Top
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  7. Hammerhead20

    Hammerhead20

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    Hammerhead20, Dec 21, 2023
    #147 Top
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  8. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Why was the butcher embarrassed?

    He saw the beef stroganoff! :eek: :rofl: :lol:
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Dec 21, 2023
    #148 Top
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  9. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    -A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

    -What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.

    -A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
     
    brenndatomu, Dec 22, 2023
    #149 Top
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  10. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    [​IMG]
     
    brenndatomu, Dec 22, 2023
    #150 Top
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  11. Canadian border VT

    Canadian border VT

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    What did one butt cheek say to the other??

    Together we can stop this crap
     
    Canadian border VT, Dec 29, 2023
    #151 Top
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  12. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Maybe, for a while...:startled: o_O

    :rofl: :lol:
     
    brenndatomu, Dec 29, 2023
    #152 Top
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  13. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    -What is a guitar player's favorite Italian food? Strum-boli.

    -How does cereal pay its bills? With Chex.
     
    brenndatomu, Dec 29, 2023
    #153 Top
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  14. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    What does a nudist take for a headache?

    Bare (Bayer) aspirin!

    BO
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 1, 2024
    #154 Top
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  15. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    -Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

    -I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

    -People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece.
     
    brenndatomu, Jan 6, 2024
    #155 Top
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  16. metalcuttr

    metalcuttr

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    I hope these are not repeats. Don't want to put subject anyone through this a second time.

    I got some ketchup in my eyes and now I have Heinzsight.

    I saw a lizard in the jungle up on his hind legs and telling jokes to a bunch of natives. I said to a tribesman "that lizard is really funny, what kind of lizard is he"? He replied "he is not a lizard. He is a standup Chameleon!

    I have started investing in stocks! You know, chicken, beef and vegetable. I hope to become a bouillionaire!
     
    metalcuttr, Jan 8, 2024
    #156 Top
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  17. Softwood

    Softwood

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    I got badly injured in a game of peek-a-boo this weekend, the ended up having to take me to the ICU...
     
    Softwood, Jan 8, 2024
    #157 Top
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  18. buZZsaw BRAD

    buZZsaw BRAD

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    Does the ocean roar? No, it just waves.

    If your American in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom? European

    Did you hear about the absent minded conductor? He kept losing his train of thought. BO
     
    buZZsaw BRAD, Jan 20, 2024
    #158 Top
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  19. brenndatomu

    brenndatomu

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    Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

    What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

    What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.
     
    brenndatomu, Feb 4, 2024
    #159 Top
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  20. Moparguy

    Moparguy

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    Why are they called "apartments" when they're altogether?

    If a cannibal ate a clown, would it taste funny?
     
    Moparguy, Feb 8, 2024
    #160 Top
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