Impending Divorce

Amen

 

Stay strong Brother...Not much that I can add other than to point to all the advice above. Lots of great folks on here willing to lend an ear or a hand in any way we can.

 

Good morning SD Steve ... today is a new day. My son is a year and 3 months sober today, and is a completely different person. I don't even know who I just talked to, when I get off the phone with him... He's full of gratitude and love now. He has saved his marriage as well. It can be done. You'll find your way too. Hang in there... and remember, you've got lots of brothers & sisters right here ...

 

Close friend of mine came out of alcoholism. It can be done, but it can be worse than other addictions. Keep at it, sir, and may you be able to function, and thrive on the other side. Praying for you...

 

These two items are key, right there. The only purpose in thinking about the past is to learn from it; nothing we can do or no matter how long we worry about it, it doesn't change.

When I went through my divorce (a phrase that you will hear time and time again from different members) a guy told me that you will hit highs and lows. Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. Doesn't sound good, but I still remember exactly where he and I had that conversation. He's right. Also, get a support group if you need it. Besides us here on FHC. I don't mean therapy sessions, I mean someone or two/three that knows about the situation and you can call or meet when you hit those lows.

And keep us posted!

 

I have personally been there. If you want I will PM you my number. I checked myself into rehab. Walked in under my own power. This is something that can be dealt with. You have to get well first and everything else will fall into place. I think I have been sober for 20 months now. Life is worth living. I was in a terrible depression and tried to commit suicide with alcohol. Don’t treat depression with a depressant. I am here if you want to talk. You just need support.

 

Can’t say I’ve been in your shoes my man but keep posting. Sometimes just getting shot off your chest helps. Go for a walk in the woods with a picture of your kids. Stare at em. Cry if you want. Then dedicate you life to them. Stop drinking and live for the kids. That’s all that matters

 

1. YOU are not crap.
2. Fight for the life YOU want.
3. Quit because YOU want/need to

My love for beer and whiskey got the best of me. Havnt drank since Oct. 8th, 2016. Now I do wood !
I went to a couple meetings,, not for me. Get my number, and we can talk !!
We spend so much time and energy on pleasing/maintaining our family/image, most times we need to be selfish and take of me !

 

I went through job loss and a divorce all within a few months of each other...and while at the time it seemed like it was a terrible thing to live through, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. After the divorce, I found a much better job and an amazing woman who couldn't be a better partner.

The divorce was fairly simple, no splitting anything, and some other poor schmuck got stuck with her... He's now her husband and bowls on my league...he doesn't look happy...

I'm sure you're resilient enough to bounce back and find yourself in a position better than before. Good luck to you.

 

You're not a piece of crap, thats is just you thinking that. I was bullied like hell too. I was divorced in 2004. Life was Hell for a while but it did get better. I was told this too at the time. Things happen for a reason and the sun comes up the next day.
Call a friend, family member (not a drinking buddy) and talk about everything and anything.
Thank you for reaching out. You have friends in the FHC!
EDIT: i did not read all responses prior to posting this.

 

First things first! Take care of and learn to love yourself. Once the alcohol problem is out of the way life can become better than you ever dreamed of.
I’m speaking from experience here.
What part of South Dakota are you in, I’m not all that far from the boarder, and have several friends that are like me that live in the state. Send me a pm and I will share what has been freely given to me

 

First, SD Steve, as others have said you are not a piece of crap. You can and will beat this situation. Fix your eyes upon Jesus and He will guide you through it.

Second, there is so much great information/encouragement here. This is exactly what makes this forum so great! You are a part of this family. Keep your chin up and, as others have said, dont be afraid to reach out.

I will add my name to those that are lifting you up to the Lord.

 

You go back to the doctors/therapist/counselors and don't try. You do. It might seem like you can't do it, but you can.

 

You're not a piece of crap. I've been thru the exact same thing. it gets better. the old saying, if you can count how many times prayers you send in a day, you're not doing it enough. don't be afraid to reach out again. we are here for you.

 

Steve, what you need to know is that alcoholism is not because of any fault of yourself, you are not a piece of crap, it is not your fault that you have alcoholism. Some people's brains are different when it comes to alcohol; they can't just drink and then let it be. You can read about this on the internet. Please don't beat yourself up because it isn't from any weakness in your character. The only real cure is to not drink, one day at a time. You will probably need help getting off the alcohol; I would look in your area for where you can go. There are special clinics just for substance abuse but they can be pricey. Health insurance might cover it but I don't know. If you need help, let us know.

 

He is not on the user map or I would’ve already posted a rehab center. Everything you said is correct. After 30 days of classes 8 hours a day I now know what alcohol does and how it affects the brain. That 30 days was the shortest time of my life. Had I not done it I would be dead and never met all the wonderful people on this site.

 

SD Steve
You are not alone as of this past june i have been sober 20 years.
1 you need to stop putting your self down.
2 get help call and find a local AA meeting and go everyday. Get a sponsor and dont beat your self up if you fall off the wagon. We all do the key is get right back on.
3 your children will always love you remember that.
4 your Wife may leave and maybe not but telling her you will quit will NOT work she has heard it before.
You must show her you can stay sober.
5 restore your faith in god and talk to him often he may not always answer but he ALWAYS listens
6 pm me anytime day or night and i will give you any help i can
It is a rough road ahead but it will get better
I still go to AA meetings at least monthly just to keep me on the right track.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get there.
Randy

 

I couldn’t find the love button.

 

Victimization is just one more enablement. No one except the very few babies born with an addiction via the placenta have made a concsious CHOICE to be an addict. You choose your way in, you choose your way out. The way out choice is a lot harder due to the justifications and it's the justification(s), conscious and unconscious , and the masks of those justifications that MOST people need assistance with.

 

What I have stated was true; alcoholics brains are different. Where I can have one drink and then leave the bottle alone, the brains of alcoholics are different; that one drink triggers the brain to want another and another. This is science. It is not Steve's fault that he has a problem with alcohol, he was born with his brain wired the way it is. This is way different than the person that chooses to get drunk on Saturday night by drinking one drink after another. The only time I have an alcoholic drink is at parties; then I have a few and stop for the night because I am driving myself home. Alcoholics are different, they may say they are only going to have a couple of drinks but the brain won't let them. They have to not have any drinks.