In loving memory of Kenis D. Keathley 6/4/81 - 3/27/22 Loving father, husband, brother, friend and firewood hoarder Rest in peace, Dexterday

chuck norris

Discussion in 'Everything Else (off topic)' started by Felter, Mar 8, 2017.

  1. MasterMech

    MasterMech The Mechanical Moderator

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2013
    Messages:
    9,523
    Likes Received:
    25,467
    Location:
    Greenville County SC
    I want to see a YouTube vid of Chuck Norris reading Chick Norris jokes. :yes:
     
  2. Felter

    Felter Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,107
    Likes Received:
    5,642
    Location:
    chicago
  3. Felter

    Felter Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,107
    Likes Received:
    5,642
    Location:
    chicago
     
    DNH likes this.
  4. Eric VW

    Eric VW Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2015
    Messages:
    23,562
    Likes Received:
    133,134
    Location:
    US
    Who might "Chick Norris" be? :whistle:
    One tough bitty, that's fo sho!:rofl: :lol:
     
    MasterMech, Deadwood and papadave like this.
  5. shaggy wood dump hoarder

    shaggy wood dump hoarder

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    3,324
    Location:
    menomonie
    Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience
     
    Felter, Deadwood and papadave like this.
  6. shaggy wood dump hoarder

    shaggy wood dump hoarder

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    3,324
    Location:
    menomonie
    Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.
     
    Felter, papadave and Deadwood like this.
  7. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
     
    Felter and papadave like this.
  8. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
     
    MasterMech, Felter and papadave like this.
  9. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Chuck Norris doesn't need Chuck Norris jokes...the jokes need him.
     
    Felter likes this.
  10. shaggy wood dump hoarder

    shaggy wood dump hoarder

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    3,324
    Location:
    menomonie
    When Chuck Norris left for college he went up to his dad and said "your the man of the house now"
     
  11. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Chuck Norris doesn't split or stack wood...the rounds quarter themselves and jump in the stack.
     
    Felter likes this.
  12. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    How much wood would a WoodChuck Norris chuck if a WoodChuck Norris could chuck wood? All of it.
     
    Felter likes this.
  13. Snigg

    Snigg

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2013
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    813
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4, in only 3 moves.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

    Chuck Norris appeared on an episode of celebrity wheel of fortune and was the first to spin the wheel. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly waiting for the wheel to stop.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2017
  14. shaggy wood dump hoarder

    shaggy wood dump hoarder

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    3,324
    Location:
    menomonie
    Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero
     
    Felter, Snigg and Deadwood like this.
  15. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    I'll be sure to tell that to my code compiler tomorrow am. Lol.
     
  16. Snigg

    Snigg

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2013
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    813
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Chuck Norris played the card game war with a friend. France surrendered.

    Chuck Norris won the 1984 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of spades, a 7 of clubs and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
     
  17. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Other than the roundhouse belly kicks, Chuck Norris' birth wasn't particularly dramatic, but he did reportedly walk out like a boss...standing straight up.
     
  18. shaggy wood dump hoarder

    shaggy wood dump hoarder

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    3,324
    Location:
    menomonie
    For some men the left testicle is larger than the other one, for Chuck Norris both testicles are larger than the other one.
    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
     
  19. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Chuck Norris cut his own umbilical cord at birth. Happened so fast, no one witnessed it.
     
    brenndatomu and Felter like this.
  20. Deadwood

    Deadwood

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    1,138
    Location:
    Iowa
    Chuck Norris doesn't split wood – technically – he just side-eyes it.
     
    Felter likes this.